Nikita

A lot has happened since I posted on this goal last. I can’t believe it’s been a year. Guess I have been working on being happy.

One thing I’ve done over the last year is be more vocal about what I want in my relationships, in my work life and with those close to me. It seems to be working.

I am still living in the house I wanted to move out of 3 years ago, but I am making it work. My son moved back in and I am letting him live here rent free as long as he helps with the dogs and household stuff. So far it’s working alright. We had a couple bumps in the road when he moved back in, but we worked through it and have come to an understanding. Things are much better now.

I’ve been dating the same guy for almost a year and a half now and I’d have to say I don’t think I can ever remember being happier in a relationship. Maybe it’s because I can be myself with him. We have fun together. He loves music just as much as I do and is a musician. I’m not, but I wish I was. He loves to cook and we make fantastic meals together.

This is all such a switch from where I was almost 3 years ago. I made the decision back then to change my life and I have. It’s nothing like it was back then. I was miserable. The past relationship does creep back in sometimes. Last year he got married and his wife had a baby. I was devastated when I found out. I wasn’t that I wanted that stuff with him any longer. It was that I had stayed with him for so long and did what I thought I was supposed to do and things would fall into place and I would get the stuff I wanted. I’m still recovering and it will take time.

The guy I have been dating has been pretty up front that he doesn’t want kids or to get married. I decided at this point in my life that I really don’t need to get married. I’m happy with being who I am. I really do feel like he is the one I have been looking for.

As you can tell, I am doing a good job achieving this goal. I will keep it open though. My goal is to be happy and I don’t plan on giving that up anymore.

Still working on this one, but it’s tough. One day at a time for sure. Wish I knew all the answers.

until I find true happiness.

There have been numerous changes in my life over the last few months. My son moved out, I refinanced my house on my own, I started and ended a relationship, my company was purchased and I still have my job.

I’ve rolled with all the punches and think that I may be well on my way to finding what truly makes me happy. It’s not anyone thing, it’s more complicated than that.

It’s finding true love, taking care of things on my own, keeping a roof over my head and a comfortable home and doing all the things that make me happy.

I think true love is hard to find and the other things are much easier. Things start out well usually, but they deteriorate or they change and you realize that it wasn’t what you really wanted in the first place. Maybe I need to be a better communicater or maybe I need to know when it’s time to move on a little sooner. Not sure, but I am still working on this one.

This will have to be my top goal until I achieve that complete happiness I am looking for.

There have been so many changes and then there are some things that have stayed the same.

I am still living in the house and it’s still listed. It’s not selling despite my best efforts. Since October 3 people have looked at it. I’m getting the feeling there are not enough qualified buyers in my price range.

The ex stopped paying his share of the mortgage in November and somehow I have managed to make the payments myself. He told me if I could qualify for a mortgage on my own he would Quit Claim the house to me. I checked into it and qualified, but the ended up denying the loan because the house is listed. he is refusing to pay his share or sign the house over to me. I have threatened small claims court via certified mail. It has been 10 days since he acknowledged the receipt of my certified letter and at that time he told me he would consult a lawyer, get back to me in a week and do whatever the lawyer told him he needed to do. I have heard nothing. If I hear nothing tomorrow I will file a suit with the small claims court for the back mortgage payments and his share of the carpet that was installed in August since he signed the agreement. I told him I would take care of the the carpet and excise taxes if he signs the house over to me.

This is all so very frustrating. I wish he would be an adult about this, but it seems he is not capable of that.

In a month it will have been a year since we split up. I really don’t want to have any further contact with him, but as long as the house hangs over my head I will.

He no longer has access to the house so that’s good. The locks have been changed and I will not be giving him a key. All of his mail is being forwarded to him.

Here’s to hoping this is all done soon. I really am ready to have it all over.

update

The ex did not consult an attorney like he said he would so I contacted mine. He suggested in reduce the sales price so he wont even profit from the house when it sells. He also suggested I stop paying the mortgage payments, but I wont be taking that advise. I have good credit and want to keep it that way.

I now have 2 showings for tomorrow so I’m cleaning up the house for them. Hopefully one of these buyers likes my place. Fingers and toes are crossed.

We signed the listing papers today. Our house is officially on the market. Hoping for a quick sale. Wish me luck.

I have lost about 28 lbs total. Started a boot camp a couple weeks ago and it’s really kicking my butt. Have 4 more weeks to go. Hoping to drop another size.. Feeling good..

This is dragging on much longer than I expected it would. I don’t feel there is an end in sight. This make me very discouraged. Trying to keep a positive outlook, but it’s hard.

follow up appt for the surgery is with my doctor tomorrow. feeling pretty good.

We are getting the house ready for sale. We should hopefully have the house on the market by July.

I’ve been packing and moving my personal belongings to storage. I have purged alot of stuff. I’ve decided if I don’t love it or haven’t used it in the last year that it’s time for it to leave. I’m downsizing from a 3 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom apt. with my son so I will not have as much space. I looking forward to the move and the fresh start. I am ready to start this new chapter of my life.

I bought tickets for Bumbershoot on Labor Day weekend. I still don’t know who’s playing, but I got an awesome deal on 3 day tickets so I couldn’t pass it up.

Buying some for Tool on Friday.

I finally know my blood type since they had to do a type and screen before my surgery. I am O+. So glad I know this now. They did have some concerns about antibodies present in my blood so they did have to do the test twice. Hope it is nothing.

Surgery went off without a hitch. She was able to remove what didn’t belong and doesn’t think I have any reason for concern, but will surely contact me before the follow up if the tests show differently. Happy to have this over. Now time for recovery and getting my life back to normal.

32. smoothie maker – I think I used it once. Gonna sell it in my garage sale
33. roasting pan – do I really need 2 of these?
34. oodles of dishes – cleaning out the cupboards since I’ll be moving soon. Feels good to purge.
35. coats – more for charity and the garage sale

Surgery is tomorrow. Feeling very nervous. Hope it all goes well.

Him and I had a long talk the other day. He said this has actually been easier for him then he expected it would be, probably because he accepted it instead of fighting it. I’m glad he has accepted it. That has made it much easier on me.

I haven’t done much mourning of our relationship, probably because I have been doing that more months leading up to this.

My friends have been very supportive through all this, which makes it even easier.

24. bags of clothing to charity

25. bags of towels and sheets to charity

26. old pet carrier to a friend in need (I had 2 and only need one)

27. childrens board games to a co-worker to play with her grandson – my son graduates in a few weeks. We have no need for grade school games any longer.

28. puzzles – I picked up a bunch of puzzles a couple years ago and they were just gathering dust in a closet. At the suggestion of a friend I donated them to a VA hospital.

29. Old espresso maker – to another friend since again I don’t need 2.

30. outdated cosmetics – in the trash they went

31. outdated toiletries – more trash

I have surgery on the 19th. Not looking forward to it, but hoping this gives me the relief I need.

We haven’t seen much of each other over the last week or so. We are giving each other space since we are going to have to coexist in the same house until it sells.

I’ve been sorting and purging, getting ready for a yard sale. I plan on getting a storage room and moving the stuff I know I’m keeping now.

We need to do the stuff that needs to be done and get the house on the market. I want it sold and to be in my new place by the end of summer. I don’t expect we will have too much trouble selling it. We owe less than it’s worth and we are in a good location. Crossing fingers this all goes quickly.

This is going to be very stressful. I can feel it. Tomorrow will be the first time I have seen him since we split up. I have been giving him his space. I hope this goes as quickly as possible.

He was giving me mixed signals. Sometimes he would avoid me completely and others he would act like nothing was wrong between us.

Wednesday night he was supposed to be home from his camping trip. I planned on telling him then that I wanted to end the relationship. He got home several hours after I went to bed so it didn’t happen. I woke up early in the morning, probably an hour earlier than I normally do and wrote him a letter. I told him that I didn’t want to go on like this any further and that I was done. I outlined my reasons and kept it short. I contemplated my letter while I showered just to be sure that was what I wanted, re-read it when I got out and decided that I wouldn’t change a thing. I left it on his computer and went to work.

He didn’t call me and he wasn’t home when I got home. He showed up a few hours later. He was angry with me and didn’t understand. Although he agreed that what I wrote in the letter was stuff I have been saying to him for some time. I told him my mind was made up and I wasn’t going to change it (also in the letter). I want happiness and I am not happy in the place I am at right now.

We talked for a couple hours because he still didn’t quite get it, but in the end he did. A friend of his actually sided with me and my reasons in the letter and helped back up why I was doing this. He understands now, still isn’t very happy, but has accepted it. We are working out the arrangements for the next few months. We co-own our house so it might get messy. He can’t afford to buy me out and I don’t want to stay. He’s staying, my son and I are leaving (my choice). We wont be able to sell unless we price it low. I don’t care. I just want to be done with it. He wants to keep the dogs. I may have to fight him on this. I want to keep the big one. He’s my dog.

I’m glad I did this and am looking forward to the future. I spent too long in a relationship that didn’t make me real happy and wasted too much time. I will not waste any more time. I will live and have fun and grow. I will be happy.