nirvanachick15

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 7 years now… yes, 7 years. We started dating when we were 14. He is my high school sweetheart and the love of my life. But, lately, I don’t feel that “spark” anymore. I’m not anxious to see him or hear his voice on the phone. I want to love him and i love him almost like a brother anymore. But, i don’t look forward to intimacy or the warmth of his smile. I don’t dream about him. I wish I could. But, it seems impossible. I think it’s because I feel as though I missed out on a huge part of my teenage years: of experimenting and seeing if he was the one. but, i don’t know… i just want to fix whatever gap is growing between us. I know it’s me more than him that is distant but, still… i want help. I feel like i’m walking in this darkness alone.

it’s been awhile since my last entry. i’m starting this for real again. i’m going on that south beach diet again. i started intramural soccer and i’ve been going to the gym on the days i don’t have soccer.
i’m hungry again though. lol.
why do i love junk food so much? it’s depressing.
i’ve been comparing myself to everyone again. the girl down the hall that is built like a model (6’2 and incredibly skinny) was complaining about weight 108 and being fat. it made me sick.
i would give anything to be perfect like her.
ugh. but that’s being shallow. i need to stop it. that’s not me. it’s just hard to get that mentality far away from your thoughts. whenever i’m incredibly stressed out, i think about incredibly insignifigant things like comparing my weight to others. man. what’s wrong with me?

has this on their site! if you just wanna watch it set up for you…then just search it on youtube! it’s in chunks, but the parts i saw were really really cool. :)

amazing stuff. i live for pink floyd.