notionist

My relationship with my boyfriend is something I have always been proud of. We have been together for five (very happy!) years now and are planning our future together.

As such, I want to be the best girlfriend that I can be to him. I don’t believe that the old adage “if it’s ain’t broke, don’t fix it” applies to human relationships. I think that being a better partner is a matter of figuring out what works in a relationship and continuing to do it. The other part involves adjusting less-than-desirable practices. Healthy relationships require persistent assessment.

As part of seeking this goal, I want to keep a list of things that work for us—and things that don’t. Awareness, after all, is the first step to positive change.

11. Being praised for a job well done.
12. Having his head scratched.
13. Playing with cats.
14. Burgers.
15. Video games (and when we play them together).

I’ve always found myself in parasitic, one-sided “friendships” in which I play the role of personal counselor. Counseling is my career path, but I’d much rather save the counseling for my clients. I’m happy to help my friends in any way I can, but I don’t feel that complete dependency makes for healthy relationships.

And what happens when the “counselor” needs help?

In my experience, my so-called “friends” become angry that their perpetually cheerful “helper” has problems of her own, and is unable to tend to theirs. That, or they jump at the chance to gloat: finally, they are happy and their friend is not!

At its core, I suppose this goal is less about finding real friends (I am fortunate to have a few) and more about eliminating the bad ones. There are a few friendships in particular that I know I need to end, but I am having a hard time doing so. Maybe by keeping a journal of my progress, I can look back and realize that such relationships aren’t worth the effort.

I suppose it isn’t so hard in theory, but relationships (even bad ones) are habits. Why else would people stay with those who hurt them, be it physically or emotionally?

I hope I can take some steps in the right direction. Writing it down, at least, is a start.