I am such a momma. I am only 20, but that doesn’t matter. I watch my friends, I take care of them, I question them, always checking and fretting about…
Then everything in my own life I question so much I get nervous and scared and worry so much it drives people insane and away from me.
I know if I could let everything role a bit, and still take care of my friends-but a bit less overwhelmingly, I’d be a lot happier, and people around me would feel better. Then I could finally just enjoy what’s there instead of focusing on thoughts of it not being there so hard that it’s gone.
octoberclovered's Life List
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1. never settle for anything less than I deserve
1 entry . 21 cheers426 people -
2. smile and enjoy
23 cheers2 people -
3. change someone's life for the better
16 cheers441 people -
4. actually do to my to do list
4 cheers1 person -
5. stop worrying
1 entry1,948 people -
6. live among the Amish for a week
6 cheers5 people -
7. do 3 nice things every day...because I remember hearing somewhere that maybe all the world's problems could be solved if everyone did 3 nice things a day
26 cheers33 people -
8. Make my body as healthy as it can be
3 cheers2 people -
9. buy a 1966 blue mustang convertible
1 cheer5 people -
10. keep up my scrapbook journal
9 cheers1 person -
11. trust in love
8 people -
12. Nurture my relationships
4 people -
13. Read all the books I've bought but haven't read yet.
5 cheers8 people -
14. show my writing to someone
1 entry . 15 cheers1 person -
15. get my driver's license
12 cheers4,905 people -
16. see the thing that is genuinely beautiful about every person
180 people -
17. recite a Shakespeare soliloquy in front of lots of people who aren't expecting it (like in an airport terminal, or in a movie theatre line)
15 cheers35 people -
18. find the balance between talking too much and talking too little
2 cheers10 people -
19. be more politically active
6 cheers228 people -
20. start wearing hats
8 cheers18 people -
21. empty out my box of half-finished products
2 entries . 6 cheers1 person -
22. Create a personal recipe book
11 cheers605 people -
23. learn the constellations
5 cheers545 people -
24. host a murder mystery dinner party
5 cheers18 people -
25. create my own "family"
3 people -
26. Go on a road trip
1 entry . 4 cheers3,329 people -
27. work hard, love doing it along the way, and always always be able to say I did all I could, gave it my all and had the most fun with what I was given.
1 cheer1 person -
28. Learn Self Defense
11 cheers232 people -
29. write and share a "This I Believe" essay
2 cheers33 people -
30. Create a beautiful uplifting morning routine
6 cheers94 people -
31. I want to leave a mix cd/tape on a bench
3 cheers78 people -
32. get braces
3 cheers562 people -
33. go to australia
7 cheers1,848 people -
34. Learn to surf
2 entries . 10 cheers7,095 people -
35. have an amazing collection of shoes before I need to start spending my money on "practical" things!
1 person -
36. bungee jump off a bridge
21 people -
37. stop feeling the need to always express and explain
8 people -
38. realise there's no catch
2 people
Campus ministry told me they are now really only accepting people into education or people with previous international experience because they have so many applicants and can be more selective.
I also realized that the idea of living alone in a foreign country freaks me out, and so going with a religious group that live in communities sounds better… however I won’t go to Africa, limiting my choices. Also, not being in education really limits me.
I’m becoming so distressed about this, I really don’t want to have to revise this particular dream, but maybe to do my good volunteer work abroad I’ll have to get established with a film institute and do projects on a smaller-scale abroad with video.
I just worry not going now will make me settle down and not want to go away, but still be left with the burning desire to continue my volunteer work and travel abroad all at once.
So, I’ve been trying and trying and pretty much decided that I’m not going to find one a I agree with 100%. But for now, I am a spiritual person, in my own ways, and that really is enough.
When I have a family, I think I’d like to find a church so they can have that extra sense of community, and become spiritual too-or learn that it is important-whether they follow what we start them on or not, just starting them will make them see a spiritual side is necessary.
But hey, I’m 20. I think for now, since I’ve looked and realized I’m okay without a defined definition of what I am religiously.
