oohhjamila

i finished community college, got my A.A in Psychology, and transferred to UC Merced! i’m a junior and after this current semester (Spring ‘09) and summer school i have 2 more semesters until i graduate with my B.A degree in (Spring ‘10)! i’m undecided as to whether i want to get my Master’s but i don’t have to decide just yet so i’m weighing my options. i’m so happy i went back to school.

well since my last entry i gave up on eating healthy after about a week. real shocker right?! blah. anyway, on feb 25th which just so happened to be ash wednesday, i gave up food. i’m not catholic and didn’t realize it was the beginning of lent, but that’s a good motivator. anyway, i’m on a liquid fast for 40 days. today is day 8. i’m down -11.8lbs. i’m drinking lots of fluids. i’m also documenting my progress on youtube which is helping soo soo much! a lot of ppl are cheering me on and it helps keep me on track when i know i’m doing a video in my undies to show how much weight i’m losing. i love it! after my fast i will transition slowly to solid foods starting with soups, then veggies, then fruits and so on. this is the most excited i’ve been in a long time!

the last thing he said to me was “i love you, i’m in love with you, i’ve been in love with you. close your eyes and imagine me standing in front of you. i kiss you softly and brush your cheek with my hand. now open your eyes”. that was it. i think he may be involved with someone else which makes it easier to let go. you know the whole 80/20 rule. i’m the 80 and i know it, and he also knows it, but i’m a lot of hard work so i guess he’ll settle for the 20. if i had been married to this guy i think the outcome would have been different. i would definitely be in jail. today i pretty much lost it. i just cried really hard cus i feel like i just wasted over 4 years of my life. i hate that feeling like i missed out on so much because i was shackled with feelings for one person. ugh! i feel a little better, but of course it takes time. lately i have been spending a lot of time on me. i’ve been really happy and got distracted with doing things for myself but then i realized that something was missing…him. and now he’s gone. i guess i can mark this thing as done…