outoftheclouds

so this week i have been doing great with my intergrity goal as far as staying out of the mindless trashing and working at work – which is probaly why they call it work;) – but i’ve hit a road block, or more specifically a unexpected hurdle.
at the end of the workweek i experienced the fallout of changing the status quo. even though i never got to comlete last weeks goal of standing up for myself, the same people who i have been trying to get away from at work where able to affect my belief in myself greatly. they threw at my all the passive aggresiveness and malice they could muster. and i took it real hard. i’ve never been good at handling that kind of anger/hatred and i definetly did not handle it well that day. even when i came home i was still questioning my entire being, of whether i was in the wrong career or did i make mistake along the way.
after a couple days of digesting what happened did i realise that what they did only shows how small they are and shows how much better i am doing – i am ruffling feathers and it is not appreciated. or this is just my residual anger from the event speaking.
so next week my final week of this challenge i will, after mustering considerable courage, speak to the aggressors and air my thoughts and see if it is not something else that is bothering them and i just happen to be a convenient punching bag. if that is the case i will inform them that no i am not a place to vent your anger.

did my workout yesterday at 1 set of exercises. today the only place i can feel it is in the back of my arms – which i am told is the weakest spot on women anyways. next time it is going to be 2 sets of exercises and am going to add chin ups!

last week i turned my garden under for the winter and added the amendments. normally i will usually pull something in my back or hips but this time i didn’t pull anything and whan i woke up the next day only a small area in my lower back and and the sides of my legs were sore – but a good muscle soreness.

this past week i was able to stay away from the mindless trashing that goes on in my workplace. i was also able start speaking my opinion when it was ok to do so and ended up impressing some people who are worth getting respect from. i still need to work on it though, because it’s still not an automatic response.

i want to keep working on giving my opinion this week. i want to use it more for standing up for myself when someone has comprimised my integrity or those around me. i’m going to keep it soley for extreme circumstances though, so i don’t end up as an old witch hounding on everyone about how they should act. just for those occasions when someone has spoken about me in a way that is not charcteristic of my work or behavior. and not in a blowout fashion, just pulling them aside and speaking quietly about the matter.