ozafebrianto

long time ago when i was about 21 i really wish i was dead
i hate myself so much and find there is no meaning for me to be alive
( i wish i could write better in english..im so sorry )
so one day i buy a poison , i plan to go home n die..but a garden my eyes caught someone
an old guy
selling bread
not tall
he looks like a dwarf
maybe he just about 50 cm
and ..he looks very happy
i mean it..u can see a really happy face from people in the way he / she smile
and he smile …
damn..how can he smile that way
its not fake smile i used to see
its a smile from a heart ..
from a blessing heart..
and damn..
he’s damn ugly..i believe hes not richer than me..not having better education ..not having better home
just selling cheap bread in a garden

so i ask myself..
why i cant be as happy as he is?
so i learn to understand myself..
so one day i could smile as he did
a smile who put light to other who see
a smile with a joy of life n nothing to regret
a smile who cheer others
a smile who save a stupid boy from comitting suicide

( im sorry if i cant write it well in english but i wish u who read it could understand my point )

well..after the years of making friends with alcohol, drug n music ..i guess i already find a way to make relation with another human..
..they ask much ..
and they re annoying
they re also harm u
spit at your face
then bootlick you
but some of them will adore you
and keep you safe
some of them may hurt u..
but the other heal..

..human
..sometime it taste better…

best from stanley kubrick i guess n surely mr malcolm o dowell