pastygrl

i’ve always been in awe of people who have natural talents like dancing, performing,or the arts. As I see all the natural talent that my friends have and do not even realize they have it – it makes me want to cultivate my own. I want to purposefully work on being a being a better dancer – so that I can get on the dancefloor and have fun with my friends instead of bumping and bouncing along awkwardly – some people just have so much rhythym. can i learn to have “rhythym?”

i think i’m special to a lot of people in my life – but not in that “special” way. i want to be that girl you want to call at the end of the day. i want to be the one you can walk in the rain with. i want to be that girl you can’t get out of your head despite how hard you try. i want to be that special someone that you don’t need to justify or rationalize but a simple “just because” will suffice. it’s been a while since i’ve been that girl for anyone.

but i want that person to be special to me too. i want us to be better someones because we both realize we’ve found someone special. :)

if you knew me growing up – you would never think I would ever have difficulty finishing college. I was that ambitious kid that always cracked jokes. i ended up going to a very good college but never fully adjusted – i guess i never swam hard enough and got washed away by being the small fish in a sea full of big fish. i never had the self confidence to actually see my college career to completion. Not to mention I was intimidated by my professors and I was ashamed that I didn’t know what I was doing. After years of trying to finish school- with many years off. I’ve return to a college I’ve wanted to go to and I am constantly reminding myself this is where I want to be. I won’t lie – it’s difficult- there are so many days where I just want to quit and put it off – but not getting my degree when I should have seems to have bled into other areas of my life – I feel live i”ve been missing out and I haven’t been able to move forward since. I’ll have a crazy amount of student loans when I’m done – but this is something I need to do for myself – if I just wanted any old college degree I think I would have completed my education at any local school down the street years ago. But I don’t think it’s coincidence that it’s taken me many years of struggling and self exploration to come to a point where I am better able to adjust and succeed. This semester has been tough – but I know if I stay in the game it will become worthwhile – my advice for you all out there is – stay in the game. I am blessed to have daily reminders that creep into my head that remind me how fortunate I am and also to remember the long journey I have come to get to this point in my life. My career at school will be purposeful and deliberate – I’ve come to learn. The end of the tunnel seems far but I will remain steadfast and hopeful. See you at graduation everyone!