peace_love_joy

well i am kind of going through this phase where im really for God knows what reason emo + depressed + lonely + suicidal maniac . I mean im like this walking , talking contradiction of what i usually am. small things trigger the chemical imbalance in my head and im all ready to start the waterworks. being a piscean does’nt help either.so i am sitting there in my car with me mum in the driving seat and noones talking as usual. and suddenly i have this image in my head of just causing this immense destruction and just beating the shit out of someone . no im not hazardous just self destructive. and then voila i understand how i can get rid of this pms/ depressed phase. KICKBOXING.

just my 3rd week into college …well at least that’s the official name given to it …”emirates aviation college” ...friends …yup there are loads of them around me…maybe im too whiny and cranky and also maybe I’m overreacting a lot about the whole “no fun in college” thing…maybe I’m exaggerating a bit i dont know …today for the 2nd time i think I’m really depressed since college started…i have no genuine true friends who i can rely on…share tid bits with…giggle aimlessly with…i miss my old school friends…but today i was looking at my past and i found out that what i considered to be my solid support to break my fall wasnt what i had thought so greatly about. It was just a figment of my imagination. An illusion i kept feeding myself to feel better about. No1 genuinely cares about me in college.

If i thought nothing can make me more depressed now i get into my car and find out my old dog just passed away in a very pitiful manner. he was a great dog and i know its silly since i had to give him away and i barely met him after giving him off. But i don’t like the fact that he passed away too soon. That he passed away without anyone around him trying to get him well again. That i might never see him again and just whisper in his ear my apologies for giving him away and to promise him some hope that if in the future i could change things i would.

blacky if you can hear me out i just want to say i miss you and you were great and maybe i didnt fight for you and bruno a lot and gave you to horrible people but i will always remember, cherish and love you.

R.I.P
BLACKY