i went out to dinner with some of my old friends tonight. it was really sad. they are complete zombies. they had nothing to say, just stared at their plates and texted people occasionally. one friend didn’t even eat his food; he said he just suddenly wasn’t hungry. when we used to hang out all the time I used to delight in how comfortable it felt to sit in silence with them, how I never felt pressured to say anything. I realize now that we never said anything because we were ALL zombies then, lost in our own little worlds.
I feel left out when they don’t call me to go out with them on the weekend, but then times like this happen and I realize… I don’t belong with them anymore. I will always love them but I have a life now, dreams. I don’t miss it at all.
Now my only concern is fighting that fucking itch, which isn’t too bad anymore, and learning how to socialize with normal people again. My friend from academic team called me up over the weekend and wanted to hang out, but I turned her down out of fear. Drug people are really the only kind I’ve ever felt comfortable around. She’s really smart and studious and I felt like I wouldn’t know what to talk about. I guess my new goal is socialize more… after that I think I’ll finally be able to lead a normal life.