pickledancedave

kay so i’m over him and i’m HAPPY!!!! XD.
trust me. it’s totally worth it.
it’s something to be proud of. =].

well yesterday i sat outside crying for 20minutes and then i went inside and came on msn and like i told myself that i wasn’t going to talk to him until a few days later but i just couldn’t hold myself back and so i msged him. well when i did, i stopped crying…like just even talking to him got me to stop crying. i didn’t tell him i was crying then and i asked him how he was with all this and he was like fine…and i was waiting for him to ask me but he didn’t so i was like “ok” “that’s good” and then he was like “you?” and i was like “i could be better but i don’t want to make you feel bad so yeah..” and he was like “yeah” .... and then i asked him if this friendship thing will work out and he said he thinks it should and i want it to! but yeah back to the reason why i’m posting this.

yesterday, i feel like..ok so this may sound a little weird but i think i had an epiphany ( Epiphany (feeling), a realization or comprehension of the essence or meaning of something or someone ) and from that, i started running, i’m starting to eat healthy..well a little bit at a time…i’m going to lose these few extra pounds. i’m going to get in shape. and last night…i seen a really moving sunset. it changed into so many different things. the way the clouds looked it looked like a mother and a baby and then a few minutes later it looks like an elderly man with a walker. and then it looks like a part of the cross.

and at that point i knew i was doing something right, getting over him and changing my life. i’m not doing this to change my body to be “sexier” just to get him back…nooo! i don’t want him back. well ok i shouldn’t say that just yet cause i do want him back but like that’s not the point of this whole getting in shape thing. this is for me. if he asks me back [for the second time it would be] i would want to say yes sooo bad, but i know the real answer and that’s no. he can’t have me back. i wasn’t good enough for him before, what makes him or i think i’m good enough for him now. just because i’m getting in shape. it aint for him.

sorry loL!. i kinda went on a rant there. but that’s how i feel right now. we’re still goning to be friends but nothing more that friends. i’m going to find someone to loves me, and cares about me and wants to be with me. that’s what i’m going to do.

kay so, last night i was tlaking to him on msn and he was going upstairs and he was like byye and i was like wtf no love? and then he said it and i was like thanks, glad to know i need to ask. so then later he came back and msged me cause i had asked him to before, and like we were talking and the he said that he was going to bed and all he said was night and thats when i knew something was wrong…so i asked him if he was happy with me and he said it’s not that i’m not happy with you, it’s that im bored and i don’t want this going on for too long. so then i tried my hardest to figure out a way for him not to be bored but yeah it wasn’t work so i just stopped talking to him on msn and called him and thats how it ended…just like that…after almost 10 monthes…we had a split before but he got back with me that same night. but yeah he didn’t sound like he did then, so i think it’s probably over.

like. ok so people were telling me he wasn’t treating me the way i should be treated, not that he was treating me bad, just that i should be treated with more love than he was giving me. he was my first true love, my first kiss, my first everything basicly, well almost everything. but like last night i was somewhat fine with it but when it got later and later it just started hitting my more and more, i’m going to have such a hard time getting over him becuase him and i have a year long class together next school year. so i wanna get over him NOW! like asap. i just wish i didn’t live in the sticks so i could go out with friends cause i know that would help, but im stuck home.

we still want to be friends and talk and all cause that would make the class next year a bit easier. but like…how do i go about being friends with him but still get over him, is it just going to make it harder for me?

please please. if you have anything to help me, just say it in a comment. it will be greatly appriciated.