PinkCoffeeMug

I need to make doctor appointments for every doctor I see. Everything is due. Teeth, brain, vagina, everything.

I had a photoshoot recently. I’ve started modeling again because I need the money. I got the pictures back today. I don’t look bad, but I can see the difference between the edited and non-edited pictures. About 3 or 4 inches of difference. The photog slimmed my thighs and belly, but not my boobs. Of course. He also smoothed out my cellulite, which wasn’t that bad to begin with, but the difference between there and not there is pretty dramatic when you aren’t used to seeing a perfectly smooth buttock. I haven’t seen my own buttocks as perfectly smooth since I was 14 and only weighed 98 pounds though, so I don’t attribute my collection of dimples to fat… just genes. But no matter what a photographer isn’t going to like it.

So I need to go back to the gym. I had been working out every day. Every single day, for a couple of hours, sometimes 3 or 4 hours. I went on a diet. Nothing seemed to be working. My birth control and my anti-depressants were keeping me from losing weight I think. So I stopped taking the birth control. I can’t stop taking the anti-depressants though. I think I’m just going to have to work harder than most people to keep off the fat. Its like my body wants to get rid of the nutrients and hold on to the bad stuff. So I’m going to do another detox, and start dieting again, and then exercise again.

I had stopped exercising because of my back… but at this point I think I’m just going to have to bear the pain. I can’t pay my bills if I’m not within the standards of “beauty” that have been laid down by the modeling community. I don’t like it, but a job is a job. I get paid more doing this than I would doing anything else, and I make my own hours and I’m my own boss. I prefer freelance work to anything else. So if I’m going to live this life, then I have to make it work for me.

Also I want to look nice for the Navy Ball coming up next month.

Still going strong believe it or not!!! Even on days when I haven’t gone the gym I’ve done some sort of activity to get my heart rate up. Sooo I’m considering that progress. Its not exactly where I want to be yet, but its better than before.

I tried the new elliptical machines. WOW!!! If you’ve never used an elliptical machine try one ASAP! You get SUCH a wonderful total body workout, but you don’t feel how hard you’ve worked until you step off it. At first it feels like you’re not doing anything. It feels amazing. If you aren’t a fan of running an elliptical machine is great because it takes all the pounding and panting out of running. No harm to your joints, just smooth gliding. Like jogging on a cloud. I love it!!

The other day my friend remarked to me that I look thinner, and she said “your butt looks about 7 inches higher” its not literally seven inches higher, but it is higher. It bounces in a sexy Beyonce sort of way. Its tight like a balloon. Almost all my stretchmarks are gone and my cellulite (though it still exists) is MUUUUUCH less noticeable. My tummy looks better too, but that’s also because I’ve been drinking more water. I’ve been eating healthier foods so that helps too.

I’m loving my new body!!!