Inglorious nonconformist

fallen, but will stand up very soon.



I'm doing 38 things
 

Inglorious nonconformist's Life List

  1. 1. Do the right things
    13 entries . 15 cheers
    9 people
  2. 2. Fxxk back real hard then Move on fast!
    45 entries . 25 cheers
    1 person
  3. 3. Start wake up early with Hope, Get Up, Dress Up, Make Up, Step Out and Walk Out from the Door! Show Up! 2014
    44 entries . 27 cheers
    1 person
  4. 4. Ask for help when I need it
    3 entries . 22 cheers
    85 people
  5. 5. Redemption 13 - Mission Art Scammer
    1 entry . 2 cheers
    1 person
  6. 6. Redemption 15 - Mission Merry Xmas
    5 entries . 3 cheers
    1 person
  7. 7. Never settle for less than I deserve
    1 entry . 16 cheers
    20 people
  8. 8. Start to change things in my life that I don't like
    5 entries . 13 cheers
    1 person
  9. 9. Start to accept my darkness and my need(iness) of love
    32 entries . 13 cheers
    1 person
  10. 10. Fxxk all stupidity,idiocy,ignorance,naivty n be wise
    24 entries . 10 cheers
    1 person
  11. 11. Fxxk misery & jinx & start to make my life counted by seeking refuge for my soul.
    34 entries . 26 cheers
    1 person
  12. 12. Fxxk wasting time and energy - live slow n steady
    20 entries . 17 cheers
    1 person
  13. 13. Fxxk regret in my life & minimize it
    9 entries . 18 cheers
    1 person
  14. 14. Fxxk the prisons of life & get liberated
    32 entries . 14 cheers
    1 person
  15. 15. Fxxk Chauvinists with fucking die-hard stern!
    5 entries . 2 cheers
    1 person
  16. 16. Fxxk these 43 things forever!
    3 entries . 1 cheer
    1 person
  17. 17. Fxxk talk too much 2014
    5 entries . 1 cheer
    1 person
  18. 18. Fxxk controlled by my Demons. Face them, Deal w them, Come to terms with them.
    32 entries . 11 cheers
    1 person
  19. 19. Try my best to understand these ... or Fxxk the BS*
    16 entries . 2 cheers
    1 person
  20. 20. Get the messages from signs, dreams & premonition. Follow my gut feeling
    11 entries . 10 cheers
    1 person
  21. 21. Start saying "never mind", " it's ok"," it's not so bad", "everything gonna be alright" more often to myself
    3 entries . 12 cheers
    1 person
  22. 22. Get healed
    30 entries . 38 cheers
    5 people
  23. 23. Resurrect
    10 entries . 5 cheers
    1 person
  24. 24. Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth!
    12 entries . 12 cheers
    1 person
  25. 25. Remember, remember...
    17 entries . 4 cheers
    1 person
  26. 26. When Shit Happens,......
    5 entries . 4 cheers
    1 person
  27. 27. Start learning to get connected
    4 entries . 6 cheers
    1 person
  28. 28. Grow old gracefully
    3 entries . 4 cheers
    178 people
  29. 29. Admit What I REALLY, REALLY, SERIOUSLY Want!
    4 cheers
    1 person
  30. 30. Confirm my Direction in Life
    12 entries . 4 cheers
    1 person
  31. 31. Decide how to live
    8 entries . 16 cheers
    1 person
  32. 32. Find My Faults
    2 entries . 2 cheers
    1 person
  33. 33. Take a Risk that Changes my Life - Project Resurrection 2014
    4 entries . 8 cheers
    1 person
  34. 34. This good thing happened today
    73 entries . 3 cheers
    8 people
  35. 35. Deal with my family 2014
    6 entries . 1 cheer
    1 person
  36. 36. Express my anger/feeling 2014
    2 entries . 2 cheers
    1 person
  37. 37. April Bootcamp 2014: Coming into Bloom
    3 entries . 6 cheers
    68 people
  38. 38. Laugh at myself for 1 week
    3 entries . 1 cheer
    1 person

How I did it
How to learn to live alone
It took me
1 year
It made me
Indepedent


How to don’t be conformed to the patterns of this world
It took me
15 years
It made me
Confident


How to live on my own terms
It took me
10 years
It made me
Confident


See all "How I Did It" stories...

Recent entries
Laugh at myself for 1 week (read all 3 entries…)
18/4/2014 (fri) Fail

Today I was told that “u can’t do this(literally: u r not right doing this).” for twice.
4pm: One was from the landlady who was offended when I replied politely that I’ll keep in touch with her(which, I meant it. That wasn’t a excuse of indirect rejection) when I was unable to pay her deposit since I was looking for tentatively one-month stay. I stayed smiling and calm and tried to take her grudging face while she ignored me when I was leaving. I was committed to the weekly microresolution – at least, I tried my best to smile.
Then, after few hours, it was 8++pm, the salesgirl told me `you’re not right to check around the price.” after I rejected to answer her intrusive question:” how much the best price they gave you before u came to us?”. I told her that:” it’s not so nice to reveal your competitors’ deal. u just give me your offer and I’ll see how can go with u from there.” “I don’t need others to lecture me what is right or not right to make my choice and what should I do before I spend my money. U r consumer too, do u not survey before u purchase?” “ no.”, “ alright then. That’s your business. my purchase pattern is my business.u don’t come to tell your customer what right or not right to do when she is browsing around. It’s consumers’ rights and freedom to survey around .” “ alright then. U are always right!”. “ if u r not regret sincerely, don’t need to say it in such a tone!” Then, the salesguy came with the phone description booklet that I requested to verify its credential. When I read, I found her staring at me. I wasn’t feel comfortable with her stealthy stare and couldn’t focus on what I wanted to read. I asked her what’s wrong with her? Here we go! She yelled and ordered me to shut up, stood up and hit the table, I swept the stuff on the table towards her. She rushed towards me and I stepped forwarded to push her. She was bigger than me. I didn’t ready to hurt/punch anyone, so I was just push, and was ready to go for bigger, unimaginable nastiness. I moved backward to smash any boxes I could get towards her to attack her. The salesguy who also served me came to hold her back. Their neighbor salesgirl and guy came to scold me for messing their empty display boxes. I apologized. The guy then kept standing between me and that girl provoking me with his fallen empty tiny boxes. I apologized again. He didn’t withdrew but start cursing me for his petty reason with vulgar languages and physical threatening. I told him if he want to lay hand on me, have a gut to go to the police station, because I didn’t have any involvement with irrelevant person like him. I only after the salesgirl, I tried to get her and told her get her mum to teach her how to be a salesgirl. She gave me her middle finger and here the can’t-wait-to-get-involved irrelevant person came with his non-sense. With never-been-cheaper insect, u will never win. I took down their registered booth name and took pics of them, then I went to make a police report. after that, I proceed to room-viewing appointment which I was late. Then,I still aware that it was Easter. After all this kind of thing happened, I just feel like rushing to the church hopefully I still in time to join the crowd in order to keep myself warm. I was late I guessed. The church was quiet. I was shy but I thickened my face to enter that eating place again. I need to go there. I need to see. To see is to chill. To see comforts me. It’s enough when I found a kinda sneak a peek. I could feel his dad knows what’s going on. But I hope no 3rd party would know. Having someone to look forward to is an effective anti-depressant, although I don’t know the person much, but I don’t want to doubt myself and crack my head to analyze where, when and why did the feeling came from? I feel a lot better anyway. It reminds me that why did Nick came in to talk to me when he had hard discussion with the manager. Ok, I forgot to smile in the midst of my eruption. After leaving the scene, I tried to think a point to laugh at myself, but it was almost fake and forceful. I was pulling up my lips every hard to remain smiley. My eyes and my heart didn’t smile. Nevertheless, i found out after coming back home walking back and forth, smoking, and typing right now, I didn’t feel drained! Perhaps I was emotionally sustained by sympathetic texts from a main tenant who willing to accommodate me for 1 month, and warm reply from Mildred, besides deliberate effort to revert my thought to `the heart-throbbing glance’, which is most comforting. I realize that to have someone to like is more of a need than love. I had a sudden urge to apologize to the salesgirl again. I gotta control my inclination to shorten myself in front of wrong people.



do the right things (read all 13 entries…)
Say what you need to say

Take out of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all your so called problems
Better put them in quotations

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Walkin’ like a one man army
Fightin’ with the shadows in your head
Livin’ out the same old moment
Knowin’ youd be better off instead
If you could only

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Have no fear for givin’ in
Have no fear for givin’ over
You better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Than to never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shakin’
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closin’
Do it with a heart wide open
A wide heart

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say



Remember, remember... (read all 17 entries…)
Most babies do not walk on their first try.

They all fall trying.



See all entries ...


 

I want to:
43 Things Login