I fell in love with my life instead.
placid_sunshine's Life List
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1. Learn to play the guitar
1 cheer12,649 people -
2. write a song
4,198 people -
3. Visit Arthur Rimbaud's grave
1 cheer2 people -
4. Own a cat
1 entry284 people -
5. learn to play the accordion
1 entry245 people -
6. revamp my wardrobe
1 entry241 people -
7. go to Hogwarts
1 entry . 1 cheer102 people -
8. visit Green Gables
1 person -
9. read all of Jack Kerouac's books.
1 cheer25 people -
10. be somebody's Lolita
1 person -
11. have a lucid dream
1 entry232 people -
12. leave little messages, quotations,pieces of art etc. for strangers to find
180 people -
13. read all the books I own
1,132 people -
14. feel beautiful
2,054 people -
15. go camping this summer
93 people -
16. see a volcano
107 people -
17. do theatre again
7 people -
18. See Paul McCartney in concert
51 people -
19. weigh 110 pounds
210 people -
20. Fall in love
3 entries . 1 cheer24,468 people -
21. be a vagabond
2 cheers45 people -
22. Ride a train
1 cheer143 people -
23. hop trains
2 cheers85 people -
24. live in a forest
2 cheers54 people -
25. learn how to do a cartwheel
1 cheer198 people -
26. Speak French fluently
1 entry2,094 people -
27. live by the sea
1 entry . 1 cheer522 people -
28. help people
1,354 people -
29. Go to Paris
1 entry1,863 people -
30. write a novel
9,672 people -
31. stop procastinating
408 people -
32. go skinny dipping
3,086 people
because I refuse to do it. I think about him a million times a day and I don’t even try to stop. I keep waiting for him, even when I’m living and having a lovely time without him I’m still waiting. And when he comes crawling back I let the little blood-sucker fall back into my arms. And I kiss him and hold him and love him while my dignity crumbles. He has this power over me… and I allow it. I know I deserve much, much, much better but… I can’t explain it: he is simply my weakness. He is so beautiful and artistic… even after I discovered he was just another teenage hornbag I still look at him with the same starry eyes I did at the very beginning, when he was the sweetest and loveliest boy I ever met. I keep foolishly believing that I will magically get over him once I start college in the fall.
I’ve never wanted anybody so badly in my entire life.
You should seriously stop making promises that you’ll break and inflating me with false hopes. Please stay or leave forever. Instead, you lead me in circles, disappearing every so often and then come crawling back to me with your kisses and smiles. I hate that you are so damned cute. But there’s something deep and intangible about you that makes all the bullshit you’ve been giving me for the past ten months worth it. There’s something in you that makes me hold on. I love you, and that is so depressing. I think about you everyday. Everything reminds me of us and I can’t take it anymore. Somebody please make this stop because I’m literally and physically breaking apart.
