I'm doing 39 things
I’ve always hated myself and as I get older, these feelings just become more apparent. Before, I believed that I was at least special and that all of the pain of being the outcast was going to amount to something – I was going to do something great. But now I see that I’m just like anyone else… and will most likely spend my life doing some mindless job so I can pay the bills - and what is it all for, really? Sure, people say that life is beautiful, that just living itself is enough reason to live, but I don’t quite agree with that. I wish I could. Somedays, I am happy. But those days have become fewer and fewer in my life. I want to stop being depressed so I can be productive, but I don’t trust myself enough. Maybe I don’t trust myself enough to do everything in my power to be perfect, yet still find out that I’m a failure. Or, even worse, do everything in my power to be perfect then obtain perfection (in my career, etc) and find that this does not equate to happiness. I don’t care how much money I have… what sort of things I have. All I really want is to feel loved, not just loved but admired. I want to feel special. And I know that can’t happen. Because I’m not really special. I’m just average. And this makes me depressed. And I can’t stop being depressed.
playingbyheart83's Life List
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1. be more responsible
370 people -
2. write the next Sex and the City-type show
1 cheer1 person -
3. stop worrying
1 cheer2,135 people -
4. Follow through with my brillant ideas
1 cheer9 people -
5. stop picking my lips
1 cheer224 people -
6. Spend less time fooling around on the net and more time actually working
1 cheer5,529 people -
7. create a beautiful living space
1 entry . 4 cheers46 people -
8. be more outgoing
1 cheer2,721 people -
9. make friends
1 cheer1,979 people -
10. overcome my fear of failure
2 cheers38 people -
11. Do something meaningful with my life
3 cheers128 people -
12. Stop being depressed
1 entry . 5 cheers540 people -
13. Believe that I'm just as good as everyone else
3 cheers62 people -
14. become a published writer
2 cheers225 people -
15. find work I'm passionate about
939 people -
16. write a screenplay
1 entry . 1 cheer2,313 people -
17. Do something creative every day
3 cheers247 people -
18. Finish my website
951 people -
19. get places on time
1 cheer3 people -
20. over come my fear of rejection
1 cheer81 people -
21. stop living for others expectations
1 cheer4 people -
22. sing in tune
37 people -
23. be an adult
12 people -
24. be organized
674 people -
25. be happy with my career
14 people -
26. eat healthier
11,041 people -
27. love myself
5,044 people -
28. be taller
275 people -
29. buy a car
3,303 people -
30. wake up when my alarm clock goes off
7,551 people -
31. Finish Reading The Fountainhead
7 people -
32. take better care of my cds
8 people -
33. learn to cook healthy vegetarian dishes
136 people -
34. Direct a play
123 people -
35. stop letting people down
5 people -
36. network more with people
124 people -
37. Make people laugh.
1 cheer599 people -
38. figure out what i'm doing with my life.
1 cheer48 people -
39. cook for myself and enjoy it
23 people
Recent entries
And thus far, it was worth it! The area is expensive, but so beautiful. Lots of different neighborhoods and cities.
