plehme

I dig in my skin
a tool, a razor, a safety pin.
I bleed out my tears,
shh, silence the fears.

Forget the anxiety, the past, the pain
Just allow the veins to drain.
Pick the tool up,
Don’t remember the shame
Make a new cut,
Watch the blood drip
Seal the wound shut
Get a grip.

So the cycle begins
These are my sins.
But I don’t care,
My cuts have a story to share.

so i finally decided i’d try quitting. I mean, i’ve tried a couple times…but not really hard, and i didnt really care. In march i, for some reason, told myself i wasnt going to hurt myself.. that i dont need this. Almost 5 months later I cut again. I’m not going to lie, 5 months seems like an eternity to me.. and then I gave in. After I gave in I felt like shit.. like “omg ..seriously? why did i do this?” I was ashamed of myself. After I started again, i felt no reason to stop again..like i already ruined my 5 month streak.. whats it going to matter if i just keep doing it..? I find no reason to stop myself(its not like im ruining a 5 month sreak).ughhhhhhh how do i just stop? how do i not give up? how do i be strong?

i have a date.. march 25th. that was the last time i harmed myself.. and this is the first time out of four years that i am truly trying hard to stop; that im going to count the days, weeks, maybe months!