pushpin_8080

i tend to do this alot, which i believe might be my safety net,
i know they’re a jerk
i know they won’t ever commit,
and i know they will never call
i know all these things
and i still fall
when another guy
who is fabulous by the way
is the total opposite
i think i fall for the guy that never thinks about me
b/c
i, myself, am afraid to commit
and i know this,
therefore i fall,
knowing nothing good will come of it,
and knowing they won’t want me the way i want them,
leading me to the fact
that im afraid to love someone, who will love me back… how screwed up is that

the word love gets thrown around alot, and when i say it… i want to mean it with everything i have, im not just giving you a piece of my heart, im giving you all of it

if you knew me…
you would know i dont do the love thing
my friends have dubbed me “manerixic”
so saying i want to fall hopelessly in love, would be a big shocker to some,
and to be honest, ive closed my heart to many of good guys, ones who were deserving but i close them out,
its like i can’t let them get to close or something like them breaking my heart might occur,
it could be my own insecurties,
me feeling as though im not deserving of love,
could play a big huge factor,
i still believe that,
but its something im changing, slowly but surely,
b/c its like this quote i read
“you, yourself, more than anyone in the universe, deserves to love and be loved”
i think about that,
and it makes me believe,
makes me believe i could someday,
maybe someday soon,
fall hopelessly in love… even a girl like me