ragnarokonice

I quit my job. I left my home. I got on a plane and flew across the country because I was falling in love. Romantic? Insane? Yeah.

But somehow I knew it would be okay. And when I got here we kissed and we laughed and we just stared at each other, laying in bed for hours and smiling.

For weeks I didn’t tell him how I felt because I was afraid of something ridiculous. I wasn’t afraid of moving thousands and thousands of miles away and quitting the first job I’d ever enjoyed since being able to work, but I was afraid he would say nothing when I told him that I loved him.

The other day was the first time I said it. I cried. I stumbled over the words and finally… I said it. And he did. And now I’m so incredibly happy. We’re both happy.

Isn’t he cute?

For whatever reason I’ve never had trouble finding relationships/people to date, but I can’t make and keep friends. I have a few friends right now, namely Jesse and Heather, I guess if you want to count Stephen too, but that’s it. I’d like to have a wide circle of friends and people to hang out with all the time. I get kind of lonely living all by myself, it would be nice to have someone around to watch movies with and play games with.

Actually, I’d really like to have girlfriends. I don’t usually get along with girls my age, and that’s disappointing.

In January 2008, I lost my “everything”. It took me almost the whole year to get over him. I dated around, but I never really found anyone who made me smile the way he did. I said “I love you” to some guys and didn’t mean it, turns out they didn’t either so no harm done.

Then, when the pain started to go away and when I started to take dating seriously again, he wanted me back. It took all the courage in me to turn him down.

I’m currently pursuing something with someone now, but he lives in California. I’m starting to think the unlikeliness of success is the reason why he’s the first person I’ve actually liked since the break-up. He depresses me a little bit though. He’s so caught up in his job and when he has a bad day he says stuff like “I’m going to be doing this forever” not realizing that saying stuff like that reflects on his views of success with me. I told him this the other night, and he apologized, but I really do wonder what he thinks about us.

Anyway, it will be okay. I hope it works out with him. He visited during Christmas, and that was nice. He’s talking about flying me out there in August.