rainbow81

I didn’t even fancy a glass of wine this weekend and when I visited me friend’s last week I drank far less than them. I really hate the way it makes me feel the next day. I often dislike the way it makes me feel at the time. This is a long term goal though as I slip when I’m in company.

I just read this book after getting out of a relationship with someone with a strong alcohol dependency who used and used me. I have to say I’ve cried a lot reading this and realising that I put other people’s feelings before my own then later feel used and abused. The most important thing I’ve learned is that “you cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person’s feelings”. This above all things is enabling me to stay free from my ex. Though everytime I receive a text or an email from him and don’t respond I feel almost evil and it really upsets me. I need to do a lot of work on boundaries and learning that I’m not responsible for how other people feel. I have to do some Family of Origin work, which scares the hell out of me. I’ve been looking at CoDA meetings online but I’m not sure if I’ve got it in me to go to one yet. Above all I am scared.

This is slowly getting better. I still have a block when it comes to washing up; for some reason even the smallest bit overwhelms me and I put it off but my timer is helping me here. I enjoy tackling a new room every week because I like to be able to see the progress. Still having trouble finishing a room off though, I get a bit panicky but I can’t work it out. For example, I cleaned the whole bathroom and the last bit to do was the windows. I have put them off until the next time I’m in the bathroom zone even though I had time to do them. At least I’m recognising this in myself, even if it makes no sense! I must push through and finish something!!