I'm doing 33 things
It was absolutely amazing. I was there on the summer solstice of ‘00 and they actually let people in for once. And there were all these crazy hippies wearing bedsheets who thought they were druids running around smoking pot and chanting which was really funny. And then the sun set and it was fucking gorgeous. I have some great pictures.
(We saw the same “druids” on a talk show the following morning, I am not kidding. It was hilarious. There were also three black cloaked men with wooden staffs there who stood there silently and glared disapprovingly at the festivities. I dare assume those ones were the real druids.)
You can feel the power in the air itself there. It’s stronger and older than almost anything I’ve ever felt, like some sort of feast for the soul. It’s refreshing and exhilarating at the same time.
If you can, find out the dates when they let people go in and actually walk among the stones and touch them, and go then. It’s definitely worth the time of researching it because they normally don’t let people get within 15 minutes’ walk of it. And then go do it. You will not regret it.
rainstormsong's Life List
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1. Write more
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2. download more music
26 people -
3. stop procrastinating
1 entry22,994 people -
4. See a shooting star
1 entry . 2 cheers215 people -
5. Kiss in the rain
1 cheer13,221 people -
6. make more guy friends
1 entry . 4 cheers72 people -
7. strengthen my psychic ability
5 cheers20 people -
8. Learn to play the guitar
2 cheers10,738 people -
9. overcome my shyness
1 entry . 1 cheer260 people -
10. stop biting my nails
2 cheers6,195 people -
11. stop freaking out every time someone touches me
1 entry . 5 cheers12 people -
12. remember my dreams
2 cheers363 people -
13. become more independent
1 cheer221 people -
14. get my drivers licence
547 people -
15. Develop my will power
5 people -
16. get less sleep but not feel so tired
4 people -
17. drink more water
16,023 people -
18. overcome my aversion to phones
1 entry . 2 cheers108 people -
19. Put the past behind me
2 cheers152 people -
20. have enough money to spoil the people the people I love
4 cheers2 people -
21. Become fluent in more than one language
1,252 people -
22. ride horses again
1 entry . 1 cheer144 people -
23. get a job
8,159 people -
24. Get drunk for the first time
1 cheer33 people -
25. spend more time outdoors at night
3 people -
26. Take more pictures
1 cheer12,422 people -
27. dance without being self-conscious
2 cheers124 people -
28. foster children
1 cheer17 people -
29. write a book
1 cheer21,077 people -
30. Swim with dolphins
1 cheer6,150 people -
31. defeat the republicans
4 cheers290 people -
32. forgive my friend
1 entry . 1 cheer5 people -
33. learn Tarot
1 cheer232 people
A former close friend, who was my closest friend and who I trusted and depended on more than anyone else in my life, ever, ditched me and ignored me for an entire year for selfish reasons and because of that, I ended the friendship. What he did to my trust really hurt. I wouldn’t have ever imagined that I would ever NOT be his friend, he was like a brother to me, and he betrayed that trust and didn’t even really seem to care.
But I had forgiven him, I really had. Our friendship was still over, but I wasn’t angry any more.
Then I find out from a mutual friend that he’s threatening suicide, find him, and try to talk him out of it. And he wouldn’t listen and I said goodbye to him that night and cried myself to sleep. He did try to get himself killed- he got frighteningly close and he’s lucky he made it out of the situation alive- but it made him decide that he wanted to live after all. And a very small part of me was relieved, but all the rest of me was passionately wishing he WERE dead. I went through the pain and guilt of accepting his suicide and I damn well wished I could remember him as a beloved friend who I lost instead of hating him even more. I was prepared to forgive him, and probably would have if he had actually had the guts to carry the suicide out, if he hadn’t just been carrying melodrama too far. But I have no respect for cowards and fools, and by losing my last shred of respect for him, I just fell into this burning hatred.
Just even the thought of him makes my stomach hurt. And I cannot forgive him, but I don’t like who I am when I am angry. I turn into someone very cold and violent and cruel and it bothers me. (My normal personality tends to the other extreme of giving more than I have to give and caring for and feeling responsible for people no matter how much they use me. The transformation is very shocking. Anyone who has ever looked into my eyes when I was truly angry has backed away with an alarmed expression.)
I want to get this out of my system. I am sick of hating but I cannot stop. I am scarred deeply from this, he really saved my life back when we were friends and managed to help me become strong enough to find my life again. And then… oh, I don’t know what to feel about it anymore, I just wish he had done it. I wish he were dead. I do. How do I forgive him for this?
I started riding shortly before my back screwed itself up, and for a long time the pain was so bad that riding was out of the question. I had to take a semester of school correspondence because I couldn’t even go in.
Since then, I’ve learned ways to control the pain, mentally, and it’s not gone but it’s only really bad when I’m stressed out or sit at the computer for too long.
I love horses so much, and I loved riding, it was a very instinctive thing for me. Well, at least the posture and guiding the horse with my knees and body thing (I never liked using the reins that much, and I’d have felt more comfortable without the saddle). But in any case, I really loved it, it was so much fun, and I want to go back to it when I have the time, whenever that may be.
