I'm doing 35 things
This is hard for me to write, as I’ve been trying to deny this for the longest time, and I’m embarrassed to write it on this forum, as it seems in society people like this are the worst kind of people possible. However, I’ve realized this is the pretty much the main reason of my issues.
The biggest problem I have is simply this: I truly don’t like myself. Everything, I do or say, I always second guess. I always try to be what people want me to be rather than what I am. I’m afraid to let people get to know me so I push them away the second they get close. Sometimes, I’m really good at hiding it, I’m really bubbly and nice around people, but since I spend so much time alone, I have lots of time to think about it.
Another thing is, I’ve spent so long thinking of myself as the victim of a lot of my problems, so now that I realize my whole life, I’ve been sabotaging myself of so many things and not realizing it, makes me despise myself more. I really don’t know what to do. I can’t do the whole friend thing… I’ve become such a terrible friend, and there’s a good chance I will never have a boyfriend…
I don’t know why I’m like this, but I am. I don’t want to be like this anymore. I want this to go away before the rest of my youth runs out.
Does anyone else feel like this? Or, perhaps am I the only one?...
