releaseitall

I lied, I said id never give up, but I lost all motivation, and creativity. My mind is dead, each day get worse.

I feel so alone lately. Over the past two months, each day gets harder and at the end of everyday I feel like I only have one person. If things dont work out with him, I wouldnt know what to do with myself and thats what scares me. I know if I lost him, there would be less of a chance of me ever being happy again.

I do not want to grow. Grow apart, grow closer, don’t want to change. I want to keep it how it is, and always keep it the same.I dont want more or less easy days, I dont want a stronger bond, the one we have now is perfect. I dont want more than what I already have, because what I have is enough. I dont want to grow old, im scared. dont want to gain anymore memories, I wanna live in the present, I just wanna live in this moment forever. Staring into your eyes, you staring into mine, I know, I dont need anything else in this world. I just want to freeze time, and pray it doesnt melt. Holding hands, touched lips, and your warm embrace. Its like a dream, but it’s reality, and reality really has a hold of me.

I am never inspired to write a happy love song, because at the end of the day im always inspired by heart break and write a sad song, but finally, im inspired and happy more than i have ever been <3

“i love”

Oh your touch, makes me fall,
Fall for you
Oh your smile, makes me smile
Even when I don’t want too
You have a way
Of making me feel important,
Never have I ever
Felt as good as this <3

I love,
The way you walk and you talk
The way you laugh and you breath,
The way that you look and smile at me,
I love,
those funny things you say,
Oh those funny things you do,
The way that you kiss me,
And they way you say I love you

Oh your promises,
So many to count,
And I still trust you
Without a doubt.
No second thoughts
I cant even stay mad
Because honestly
You’re the best thing I have <3

I love,
The way you walk and you talk
The way you laugh and you breathe,
The way that you look and smile at me,
I love,
those funny things you say,
Oh those funny things you do,
The way that you kiss me,
And they way you say I love you

I love
the way , the way you wake up
The way you look at me,
The way you laugh, they way you breathe
I love
When you call me beautiful
Without any makeup,
The way that you make me feel,
Never wanna give you up
Because I’m definitely in love<3

I have really been letting myself go, losing myself quickly, i hardly remember who i was just two months ago, ive been going through a lot of changes, new school, new friends, new secrets. the only thing good coming from these changes is this amazing guy ive met. other than that, life has been rough. i just recently lost two of my best friends, do you know how much it actually hurts to have someone you trusted with your life just lie to you, or break your trust, it eats you up inside, makes you feel abandoned and useless. I guess this is what i get for moving to a different school, people change, distance is an issue, and we grow apart. im trying to keep my head up, and this guy is really helping me out, hes the only reason i want to wake up, the only reason i still have faith in humanity, he makes me feel beautiful and amazing, like theres no other girl out there for him. he makes me believe that i do have a purpose in life, and that is to hold his hand, embrace him, make him laugh and smile, everything he does for me.

how can I when it always comes back to haunts me. maybe i should just lay back, forget feelings, and move on, yeah…if only it was as easy as that.

I smile, so these people don’t think I’m weak, but on the inside, I’m dying to speak the truth. But why tell anyone, when they are going to judge you either way?

its only the truth..

Looking at the picture of you and her,
Makes me want to say that I’m doing better,
But I know that’s a lie,
It looks like you’re looking right at me,
Smiling and happy,
Like I use to be,
What we had is now hers,
She’s so lucky….

I see that look in your eyes,
I can tell your happy, its no surprise,
You have everything you ever wanted,
Looks like your doing great,
There’s nothing more I want,
It should be you I hate,
But I just couldn’t…
She smiling and your happy,
Like we use to be,
What I had is now hers,
She’s so lucky….

I wonder if she knows,
The only thing that matters to you
Is her happiness alone…
And does she know,
She’s got a gift
She can have you whenever,
She has your kiss,
I lay here late a night,
With you in mind,
Tears of regret fall,
The whole time..
She smiling, and you’re happy,
Like we use to be,
What I had is now hers,
She’s so lucky…

I see that smile,
I wish it was at me,
But it at her..
She’s so lucky….

sure, no ones perfect, and i know this, and hopefully the person i meet will too, I have my faults, but i fluant it, I am me, and hopefully I will find a guy who will respect that. I know I’m not the most beautiful, or talented person out there, and i know im not better than anyone else, but shouldnt that be a likable trait a girl has? oh well this is me, and im okay with it.

Someone once told me,
to look on the brighter side of things
Well turn the light on,
Because I don’t see anything…
Turn on the light,
Bc what good is the dark when I cant see…

Some body once told me,
Not to be so down,
Well come lift me up,
Please don’t let me down,
Because I don’t want to be dropped,
Like im just dirt, on the ground….

Bc I see nothing good,
If im trapped in the dark,
And my spirits cant be lifted,
After a broken heart
I am so lost,
Because this maze has no end,
I lost all my trust,
And will never gain it back again…
Oh I cant see,
Any good things
In the dark…
So turn the light on

Someone once told me,
don’t be afraid of anything,
But theres so much to fear,
Bc out there, there could be anything
Theres so much to fear,
More than we can just see..

Some body once told me,
Keep my head high,
But they make me feel so ashamed
Like im never right,
Make me feel so ashamed…
But I feel too weak to fight….

I see nothing good,
If im trapped in the dark,
And my spirits cant be lifted,
After a broken heart
I am so lost,
Because this maze has no end,
I lost all my trust,
And will never gain it back again…
Oh I cant see,
Any good things
In the dark…
So turn the light on

just a simple trip to the best with my closes friend, and i couldnt have been happier :)

Cant you see?
There’s no room for me…
Theres no air to breath,
Im no longer free..

Like im trapped,
In a big metal cage,
And you swallowed the key,
As you walk away,

I feel like,
Im tied up in chains,
I only go where you go,
And do what you say

Feel so controlled,
Cant make it on my own,
You have me thinking,
Without you, id be alone…

Its like im trapped,
In a big metal cage,
You swallowed key,
Laughed and then walked away

I have to hide my tears,
Bc it shows that im weak,
Bc when im “strong”
that’s when you say you love me,
And that’s all I want…

Feel like im being judged,
All too much,
One thing I do wrong,
Its like im not enough

It feels like im trapped,
In a big metal cage,
You swallowed the key,
Grinned, and walked away…

I couldn’t comprehend it
if I tried…
So many unanswered questions,
So many times I cried….
Do you even care?
If I just disappeared,
What would you do?
If I said I still love you….

Our love story,
doesn’t have an end
As I sit here wondering,
What could have been, (2x)

I still think about you,
When I close my eyes,
You’re still right here..
In the back of my mind
I blame you
For every tear that falls,
My heart keeps breaking,
And im blaming you for it all
So much pain I endure….
So hard I try….
But you choose to ignore…
These tears I cry…

Our love story
doesn’t have an end,
As I sit here, wondering,
what could have been…(2x)

Who knows
What could have been,
But I gave in…
I fell for it…
I fell for what should’ve been….
But it was your smile,
That made me lose
It was your lies…
That made me fall for you…
And that I said it
I did really mean it,
But you didn’t…
Looks like I was the only one
That was in it….

Our love story
doesn’t have an end
As I sit here wondering…
What could’ve been…
What could’ve been….

There’s a little piece,
Of my heart,
Since you last had it,
It’s torn apart…
There’s a little piece,
Of my mind
You took when you left
Me behind….

I don’t know how to deal with this…
My heart is so broken and bent….
I don’t know how to heal
Ive never felt pain be this real….

I know life gets this tough….
But when you left, I gave up…..
And I know its going to hurt,
and its going to take some tears….
And I know life isn’t the best…
Without you here….

Instead. Of crying..
I close my eyes fast
Instead of venting….
I just choose to laugh…
I hold it in…
I never let go…
The feeling that no one cares…
And that no one needs to know..
I have it all the time,
I have it now…
So I hide my self…
Refusing to cry it out…
No one will find out
No one, not even you…
No, you wont,
Ever find out the truth…
I think im strong…..
Bc Ive been faking for so long…
Taught myself,
to lie to you
As if my smiles,
were true
Bc I was told,
Its better to hold it in,
Bc no one cares…
You better hold it in,
Bc in the end, no one will be there…..
I hold it in…
I never let go…
The feeling that no one cares…
And that no one needs to know..
No one will find out
No one, not even you…
No, you wont,
Ever find out the truth…

I thought I was over you…
Til you walk into my life again….
When I saw your face walk by….
Too sad it had to end….

I don’t love you anymore….
But I love who you used to be…
A man of many great things,
Someone who made me
I wish I could go back…
And fix what went wrong….
But its not possible…
Ive tried for so long…

But its over,
I know….
Its just so hard…
To let go…
Oh its over….
Theres no more us…
No more love….
No more trust…
And its over…
Who knows why….
Its all over….
Goodbye….

Why do you do it?
Why did you come back,
into my life,
I was doing okay,
I was doing fine,
This is no joke
I swear I forgot
But then I saw your face…
And I remembered everything I lost….

I don’t love you anymore….
But I love who you used to be…
A man of many great things,
Someone who made me
I wish I could go back…
And fix what went wrong….
But its not possible…
Ive tried for so long…

But its over,
I know….
Its just so hard…
To let go…
Oh its over….
Theres no more us…
No more love….
No more trust…
And its over…
Who knows why….
Its all over….
Goodbye….

In the car
Its past nine
And ive already cried
Coming home tonight
Im alone again
I turn the radio up
And try to listen
That song comes on
The one where
I used to sing along
Oh I use to sing along
Oh I used to sing along
But then the song turned out wrong
So I can no longer sing along
A happy tune
And such inspiring words
Something I thought was true
But it was just a cover-up
Until the damage is done
In the car
Im pulling in
Im home now
But alone again
I turn the radio off
When the song ends
I put down my head
Because I use to love that song
Because I used to sing along
I use to sing along
Oh I used to sing along
Put the words were so wrong
So I no longer sing along
Im going to bed early
To an empty bed
I don’t wanna wake to
Finding out that this is the end
But I cant go to sleep
I am restless
So I try to sing my self to sleep
My nighttime song
But your not here to sing along
Your not here to sing along,
Oh your not here to sing along,
Turns out the lyrics were all wrong
Your no longer here, to sing along

another picture that MPC took. I dont really like the look, but whatever they say looks good, looks good.

we may not be as close as we all once were, but we manage to stay together, and thats all that counts~

Okay so, I do have a modeling agency, and Im just starting off, and I’m still learning about the modeling world before i get any big jobs, I had my first photoshoot the other day, and this is one of the photos.