I'm doing 3 things
i’ve been batteling with anorexia since i was 12…im now 20. 9months ago i went into hospital again…and though i haven’t been back since that, a feat i seem to celebrate amongst those i hold close…I also haven’t been close to anyone, wanted anyone to like me. Until a month ago…
Now i hate how i look…He told me last week that he sees me as so fragile, that he wants to protect me, not see any harm come to me…which makes me wonder if the reason why he wants me is because i somehow fullfill his desire to be protective? to be the…Male? He’s…what i would class anyways, as a ‘popular’ boy…the boy that gets ALL the girls, the boy that doesnt need to try hit on girls, they give him their numbers…This has happened by the way. I’ve not had sex…ever…in my life…HE has…
I’m the arty, sciency, poetic, tortured…dreamer…and even though in hollywood those boys want those girls…i DONT live in hollywood…and i want him.
anyways…I currently weigh 55kg…Im 5’7”
I just wanted somewhere to document what’s going on…and not in a tangible journal, as in the past every journal i’ve kept has been read by another…
Anyways, he doesnt know about my history with anna…
And my family have all but forgotten it. 9 months is the LONGEST i’ve ever gone without being admitted into a hospital or rehab or SOMETHING! I know this will kill them…Am i that selfish that i dont care…??
that’s all i have to say for now:)
xo
