I'm doing 27 things
I have always been fascinated with water. When I was very young I would play in the puddles at the end of the driveway. I remember vividly in the spring time when the magnolia tree would bloom, the pink petals would fall into the puddles like little boats, and I floated them all the way down the street.
In the bath, I had little plastic mermaids to play with. I would spend much much too long in the tub and for awhile, my mother wouldn’t let me have the soap until I could promise her I would be out in five minutes. she was scared I would sit in soap for too long and get an infection. haha.
when I was growing older, we almost always had a small plastic pool in the yard all summer. It started out relatively small, but over the years became a 3ft deep, 20ft diameter pool with a pump. I never understood my younger sister’s desire for this contraption – it was a this point that I was developing an aversion to water.
In middle school gym class, students are required to swim daily during a unit on swimming. I did not know how to swim when I got to the class, and I may have been the only one. I didn’t admit to it right away.. The very first day the instructor told us to walk out on the bulk head and jump in. I was terrified, but embarassed that I didn’t know how to swim, so I thought I would learn if I jumped in.
I didn’t.
I nearly drowned and both of the instructors present absolutely reamed me for not telling them I couldn’t swim.
I never got personal instruction and as far as I am concerned, I never got past the part where I could tread water. I don’t believe I ever fully learned how to MOVE in the water. I certainly cannot put my face or head underwater, I can’t control my breathing enough.
During the unit on diving, I developed a tremendous fear of getting in the water. I did NOT want to jump off the diving board. I did NOT want to feel my body begin to drown, which is what happened every single time, as someone in the class was assigned to swim down and pull me out of the water. I could not make my limbs move together, I could not hold my breath.
At one point, the teacher had even assigned other students to push me off the diving board if I got up there and refused to jump. I remember absolutely crying as my best friend Jessica stood behind me and whispered “she is motioning for me to push you. I can’t push you. please jump. please jump.”
I dont believe this fear of water would ever have manifested if my instructors had been more considerate, and actually tried to teach me to swim. I went through this for three years. In high school, we were not forced to swim. I would have panic attacks in the locker room whenever I tried to go, and the instructor would always suggest I run laps instead.
and for this and other reasons, I love to run.
to this day, the smell of chlorine makes me heart race. The strange echoing sound of most indoor pools, wet feet hitting puddles on the tile, splashes as bodies land in the water.. I can’t stand it.
if I am going to learn to swim, it is going to be in a lake or a river or the ocean. I trust the earth and the sky far more than I can trust the construction of a swimming pool.
