righthere

hi mom, i love you. i don’t know if you remember how you used to be. i don’t know how it feels to be who you are now. 3 years ago, you were still at home. you could drive and walk and cook and garden and get pissed off and shop…. and you called me every single morning. you were always so happy. i still sometimes forget how things are now, and i go to pick up the phone and call you, except then i remember. i’m sorry you had to get alzheimer’s, mom. i wish you didn’t have to move out of the house. i know how much you loved it, and wanted to stay. i feel like maybe if i would have figured out that you had alzheimer’s earlier, you could have started the medicine earlier and maybe now you wouldn’t have alzheimers the way you have it now. i’m so blessed though because you still know me and remember a lot of stuff. i hope at least you don’t remember how you used to be because i don’t want you to be sad. i am so lucky that i can see you a lot and we can watch old episodes of gunsmoke and bonanza and tons of other old movies and tv shows that you really like. i used to cry because i thought i lost you but i know now that i will never lose you, because you are a part of me and i am a part of you forever, and you will always be you, no matter what happens. we change, but not our deepest part. our hearts remember, and understand. i love you mom, for ever. carrie