I started on this side of the room, so I thought I’d put a picture up of that too, lol!
Now my bed is washed and made.
I’m done with most of my clothes-sorting and laundry.
I cleared off my chair and sofa and vacuumed them.
There is a spot of floor you can see, heheh!
This is the view from the chair where I am sitting with my computer. My room has never been so messy before! I don’t even know where to start. I guess I’ll try the 15 min. at a time method. Clean for 15 min., then stop for 15 min., then go again.
Ok, here goes….!
I had 15 days not smoking and then 4 days ago I flipped out and bought a pack. I smoked for 3 days. But I have not had one today. I really, really, really want to quit, but its sooooooo hard!! I’ve been going back and forth for a long time now. Maybe this time it will stick.
I dunno though, I really want one now….
Grrr!
Ok, I’m halfway to my first real milestone. I feel pretty good about it. I don’t have a lot of cravings. When I do they are strong, but I know they will pass soon.
I think I might actually do this- woo hoo!
Okay, I’ve been avoiding junkfood and going to the gym a few times a week for almost a month now, and I’ve only lost five pounds. I was hoping I could take the weight off a little faster than that, but at least I’m not still gaining!
Aaarrrgh! I still feel all sludgy. Actually, today is the worst day yet. I thought this was supposed to feel better after a week! At least I’m holding out.
Ok, little buds are starting to show up all around. It’s time for me to get the urge to garden! I get it every Spring, even though I’m a terrible gardener!
I just always hope “this year” something will turn out.
Today my grandfather and I looked around the yard for places without too much grass that get good sun. There sure are a lot of trees around here!
We found a spot and I can’t wait to dig it up- woo!
I missed church AGAIN this morning- grrr! Sometimes I just can’t drag myself out of bed on a Sunday morning no matter what I tell myself to try and get going.
I should go to sleep earlier on Saturday nights. But there’s often something so fun to do then. Last night a group of friends and I went to see the late showing of “The Lives of Others.” It was really good, but I got home after midnight and couldn’t sleep until after 2am because I was all wound up.
I’m sad because my church is really fun for me too. I know everyone there and I love to see them. We have good services too. And I feel God and His peace at church.
Why don’t I go??
I got my ears pierced for the first time when I was 12 or 13. I got a second piercing in each ear when I was 22, but those holes closed up. So I went to Claire’s this morning to get another hole in each ear.
I did it before I asked the cost. I was surprised that it was $23! I considered getting triple-pierced ears but I’m glad I didn’t because that would have cost $46. And three holes in each ear might be a little much for me. I think lots of holes look good on some people, but I just don’t want to deal with all that. On me, I like the look of one dangly earring and one stud in each ear. I’m very satisfied.
I bought some sparkly studs and I can hardly wait to put them in my new holes. Do I really have to wait 6 weeks before changing out of the starter pair? (sigh!)
Well, 3 days ago I finally went to visit my biological maternal grandmother and my biological mother. I haven’t seen much of them since they abandoned me when I was 13.
I’ve been working on my goal to forgive. So it wasn’t as upsetting as usual to see them.
They both have changed in recent years. My mother became Born Again, and my grandmother had a couple strokes which caused her to re-evaluate her life. Now they both have more peace and are much nicer to me. I think the fact that I am an adult now, and like a stranger to them helps too. They don’t know how to deal with people who are dependent on them, but they are southern, and very hospitable to guests.
Sometimes I’m afraid if I get closer to them they will get all critical and nasty again. Maybe, maybe not. I’m going to give it a try anyway. They can’t hurt me now like they did when I was a child.
I feel sorry for them. They both have health issues and live alone.
My mother likes to talk even more than I do, and her mother likes to talk even more than that! I don’t mind listening to a bunch of stories about the good old days and people I don’t know. They are good storytellers, and it seems to make them happy to have an audience.
My mother said she loved me. My grandmother gave me a hug. That was especially strange of my grandmother because she used to hate to be touched by me.
My grandmother gave me a large needlepoint of Renoir’s “Lady with Dog.” She said her mother (my great-grandmother) made it.
I guess this all went pretty well. =)
I finished organizing my photos on Picassa AND I opened a Flickr account where I uploaded some of my photos online!
I feel so organized- yay!
Hooray, I made it more than a week! I congratulate myself even though I quit for a week or two all the time (and then smoke again). When I make it a whole month I’ll feel like maybe this time is for real.
But anyway, a week without smoking is better than a week with it!
I know I’m only interested in people who are critical of and emotionally uninterested in me because of my childhood- but I’m not quite sure how that works. Am I hoping to finally get the attention of some cold person because it might feel like getting the attention I was denied as a kid? Or do I just want to be treated like I am used to being treated because it’s familiar and therefore comfortable in a twisted way?
I don’t know.
But I know that for now, God has given me peace with being single. I have time now for other things, including myself.
I am actually OK with this!!
Goal accomplished!
Sometimes it seems fun, but it isn’t really. I didn’t drink until I was 19 and I felt left out. When I finally got wasted I became an alcoholic and ruined my life within a year. It’s totally not worth it!
Well, I ran into the object of my obsession last night, and it just wasn’t the same as usual. I think my obsession is fading. He seems more like just another guy instead of something I have to have. Hooray!!
It’s been a week since I’ve started taking better care of my fingernails. They are looking better already. In another week they might actually be a decent length- yay!
I just painted them silver to match my new car.
I got a sweet new ride today- woo! My old car was not very safe even for a short trip. My new one will make it easy for me to visit people a day-trip away. =)
my mother
my grandmother
my uncle bob
my brother
Molly
Opal & Pella
Sponge
Last night I was having a panic attack and I just wanted to call him so bad. Fortunately, I managed NOT to call him- yay! But I did check to see if he was on myspace- as if that mattered!
Wow- yesterday was really hard! I was stressed so I kept craving really bad. But somehow I managed to convince myself to at least wait a little longer, then it was too close to bedtime to bother getting a pack, and then I went to sleep- yay!
So now I am on Day 5. I feel pretty good this morning, and haven’t had a craving yet- woo!
