rtoledo

I approach this entry with some trepidation for fear of being misconstrued. On the surface, the reason for having written this goal might seem superficial to the casual observer. A stranger might peruse this log and wonder if it is little more than the ramblings of a jaded narcissist. To you sir I say, put down that carton of Blue Bunny, dust off your Ab Lounge or Thigh Master, and pop in Billy’s Boot Camp or Windsor Pilates into that VCR or BetaMax player of yours and let’s get to the business at hand!

Some people say they don’t enjoy exercise, well I don’t enjoy sodomy. If you don’t see the correlation, my point is that few people enjoy a pain in the butt. However, I can’t say I have a genuine disdain for exercise. Actually, I enjoy the gym just as some might enjoy sodomy. For that reason, if you prefer, feel free to substitute the word “sodomy” for gym the rest of the way through if it helps you relate.

In some ways, there is a tinge of regret, a dash of bitterness and dollop of sorrow when I look back on the vain efforts of my misguided youth. What do I have to show for the countless hours I spent from the summer of 1999 to the fall of 2001 in the cozy confines of “Awesome Gym/Sodomy” in Hialeah, Florida? I like to think that I picked up more than just tendonitis from that experience. Moreover, I gained self-esteem as high as a hippy at a Pink Floyd laser light show. that I hope to carry with me the rest of my days.

Rachel Ray might know how to eat for under $40 dollars a day and Emeril Lagassi may shout “BAM” more times than Jessica Simpson at a sleepover in Mr. Margera’s house. However, the food network has not yet filled the void left by my absence at the arcade of abdominal activities.

In any case, the underlying reason for this superfluous soliloquy (though, I have addressed you the reader a time or two) is to address the personal importance of achieving this ambitious undertaking. For you see, I was a “fatty” or if you prefer a “fatty McFat Fat” of sorts from the age of six to twelve. Then, at the ripe age of thirteen I stepped on the scale only to discover I had once seen this number before, except I was 9 years old the first time around.

I never felt more alive than when I would walk into a gym filled with numerous ex-convicts and soon-to-be felons. How could I ever forget the Ninja, the prophet, John the Baptist, Jesus and the rest of the horse hormone injecting cast of characters?

Each week brought with it a new set of aspirations. I would stare at the plates on the bench press only to knock out lofty ambitions of 135, 185, 205, 225, and finally 255 on that historic date of April 11, 2001 11:42pm (date and time dramatized for comedic value). I thought a 315 pound bench press was no more than six months away. Yet, nearly 5 years later I find myself around 185 wondering where did the tenacious attitude go? I suppose I’m 130 pounds from possible contentment. I can’t wait to finish this goal tomorrow so that I may finally close the chapter on my desires of yesterday.

As you might know, Ralph Nader made his fame as a consumer advocate, some four decades ago. He’s the reason OSHA exists today, the reason we have airbags and child safety locks in cars and why I am aware of the existence of the Green Party. Though he and I might be on opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to political ideologies, I have great admiration for this now certifiable public figure. In fact, after watching him speak on Larry King I was inspired to take this goal upon myself. I, like most everyone else, gets screwed by “the man”, “the system” or “whitey” on a daily basis. Unfortunately, I hardly take it upon myself to request reparations despite my righteous indignation.

For that reason, I will get in the habit of writing just one letter each month to the aforementioned Whitey, the symbol for heartless corporate America. Through this practice, I hope to make companies aware of their socio-economic responsibilities.

In all honesty, I’m a capitalist to the fullest extent. For that reason, I don’t care if Wal-mart executives don’t let their employees unionize, I get to buy shoe aglets for under a dollar and Kathy Lee Gifford approved sweat shop blouses for under $10 dollars. The grave disservice I am referring to is when I get stuck footing the bill for sub-par goods or services. The good people of Taiwan are not working 16 hour days for my Tatung brand HD television set to fail after merely 720 hours of continuous use (hypothetical, yet totally relevant example).

After I have given these merciless miscreants what for, I will ask for a token of remorse in the form of reparations. A naysayer might speculate that I’m only doing this for free stuff. NAY, I SAY! Any compensation obtained, monetary or otherwise will serve as a symbol of hope to the little people, who have been stepped on time after time! My success will be OUR success. Next time I come across injustice, I will not be standing up for complimentary McDollars or KrispyKreme Kredits (racist bastards), I will be standing up for Nader, and more importantly, I will be standing up for you!

Customer Service
Pep Boys
3111 West Allegheny Avenue
Philadelphia, PA 19132

October 3, 2005

Re: [service provided]

To Whom It May Concern,

On September 30th, 2005 I called upon Pep Boys #127, located at 7725 W Newberry Rd. in Gainesville, FL to have a camshaft position sensor replaced after an Engine Diagnostic revealed that the part was malfunctioning on my 2000 Dodge Intrepid.

I was told by the service representative that it was an easy fix and he could have the part brought in the same day and the work itself would take no more than 15 minutes. However, after a few minutes I was told that the part would have to be delivered the next day, thus we set an appointment for noon on October 1st. When I arrived, to my chagrin I was told that my appointment had not been entered in the system. Though, the customer service representative did remember taking my call. I left my car for service and was told I could pick it up at the end of the day. Upon my return, I was mortified to learn that the work had not been performed because the part had yet to arrive and no one bothered to inform me. I was assured that if I returned the next day at 1pm I would have the work done right away. Despite the previous setbacks I returned undaunted, at promptly 1pm. Tragically, not one mechanic was available because they were “out to lunch” as I was so sympathetically told. This time, I decided to wait for my “quick fix”. It turns out mechanics came and went, but my vehicle remained untouched. Finally, at 3:06pm they located my part and I went out to the bay to watch them perform the work first hand. All in all, the replacement of the part took no more than 60 seconds and this figure includes the time it took the mechanic to wash his hands thoroughly. I went up front to pay for my service and was told that until they received the paperwork I could not leave. Apparently, they were training circus chimps recovering from alcohol addiction to process my order because I was not invoiced until 30 minutes after all work had been completed!

I find myself downright distraught because I have relied on Pep Boys for all my automotive needs for nearly a decade. Needless to say, until this point I had counted on your company for quality parts and impeccable service. However, after being let down by your service team I came to realize that I had also been price gouged! I had been charged for 1/3 of an hour of labor, and over $60.00 for the part for a total of $93.93. However, I witnessed first-hand that the labor requirement for this job was less than a minute. Unless, a third of an hour is the industry standard for minimum time required, I was overcharged.

As far as the part is concerned, I suppose you might better explain to little Ricky why Christmas isn’t coming this year. Though somehow I doubt he will find solace in a Pep Boys condolence letter or the faulty camshaft position sensor he finds under the tree this Holiday season. I paid over $60 dollars for this part and yet I found it for under $30 at AutoZone, and for only $34 at the notoriously expensive Discount Dodge Parts online.

To resolve the problem, I ask that you go over company policy with the employees at this location so that a travesty like this does not happen again. I was outraged for having to make these pilgrimages to Pep Boys unnecessarily, when a simple phone call or some upfront disclosure would have saved me the time and money. Ultimately, I feel that this one isolated incident is not indicative of your company’s stellar code of conduct. I request that compensation be issued in some form or another (whether it is in the form of a refund or credit for future service) but I leave that matter in your capable hands. There is a reason I came to believe that cars like you and people love you; please don’t let me forget that reason.

I look forward to hearing from you and to a prompt resolution to my concerns. Should you need to contact me, feel free to do so at the address, e-mail or phone number listed above.

Sincerely,

Richard **

Enclosures: A copy of the initial estimate and final receipt are highlighted for your convenience. Furthermore, I have included a printout of the pricing for the part from two different competitors, Discount Dodge Parts and AutoZone.

Cc: District Manager / Problem Resolution Support