rustedwheel

5. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward. – Thomas Edison

I’ve been doing really well doing this every day, even if i am sore. I am currently on day 24/30! I am definitely seeing a change in my body but i’ll write more about that when i finish this goal.

I am on day 18!! :)

I think a large part of my success so far has been exercising regularly. i have grown to love working out and i do it every day and i know if i purge i will have no energy and won’t feel like working out. Working out also makes me feel like i have a little bit of leeway as far as eating goes. I am trying to build muscle so a few extra calories isn’t horrible. I’ve also been better about avoiding trigger foods.. I rarely even want my usual binge foods anymore because I know how gross they make me feel. Its definitely becoming easier to control my impulses. I still have rough days, but overall I definitely feel like I’m making progress.

Soo.. I’m more than halfway to my goal.

Its a workout video that you do 20 min/day, 7 days/week. I’m on day 4 right now. Not trying to lose weight, but I really want to be toned for summer!

:D

I got an undergraduate research position for the summer doing neurobiology and behavioral pharmacology research with planaria. The professor I’ll be working under seems really nice and laid back and I think it will be so interesting. And I get credit and (hopefully) a recommendation for grad school from it. I was so anxious (as I always am) about being interviewed and judged, but I’m glad I pushed myself through it. Can’t wait to get started!

I went 12 days. I was so stressed and depressed today that I just didn’t care and threw it all away. Wasn’t worth it at all, of course. So now, I’m aiming for the month of April to be purge free.

Day 5 and feeling great :)

4. “Just keep swimming” – Finding Nemo

Seriously, its about time I “achieved” a goal, and I would be so happy if this was my first one. I don’t believe that I have gone longer than 3 weeks without purging since I began doing it regularly about two and a half years ago. Right now its at about 3 times a week, which is manageable (much more so than 3-4 times a day, at least) but I need to stop for good. My teeth are really feeling the effects, and its scaring me. And I hate, HATE wasting food like I do, it makes me feel so guilty and disgusting. My self-discipline has been absolute shit for so long. But I HAVE to do this. Even if I binge, which obviously I hope I don’t, I will suck it up and sit with it. I already purged today, so tomorrow (3/20) will be day 1. I’ll see if I can go until 4/20 and then I’ll have a proper celebration :)

My ultimate dream job is to be a nature/landscape photographer. I don’t really expect that to pan out but if nothing else, it can be a great hobby. First step is to buy a new, quality camera. It will take some time to save up for that.. but it will be so worth it.

I really need some more adventure in my life. This is my last summer as an undergrad, I have some extra (not much, but whatever!) cash.. why not? I’ll be going with Arielle who has been before and absolutely loved it. I love camping, hippies, music, beer, weed, road trips.. so its pretty much guaranteed to be a good time!

I thought I did sooo bad on my OChem test, but I actually got a 95! I have NO idea how I managed that, but I am so happy. I can pull a 4.0 off if I keep it up :)

i binged today and included a couple of thin mints in there.

yes, its only been one day, and yes i am ashamed, but i am not giving up on this. guess i won’t be having birthday chocolate cake after all. My goal is now to go to March 15th.

Starting today, February 14, I will not eat ANY chocolate for one month. March 14 just happens to be my birthday :) so if I achieve this goal, I will allow myself to have a chocolaty desert on that day.

1. “A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, of the manifestations of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which are only accessible to our reason in their most elementary forms—it is this knowledge and this emotion that constitute the truly religious attitude; in this sense, and in this alone, I am a deeply religious man.” Einstein

2. “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” Gandhi

3. “Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” Gandhi

I am depressed and anxious and bulimic. I need help dealing with it all. I’m going to talk to my mom on Monday when she comes back from her trip. I’m very lucky that she will pay for it.