samantha516

but it was totally worth it! it was probably the best time in our relationship and we really got to see what it was like to be each others whole life in the midst of the growing that travelling does for a person. we only went to europe, but i hope to continue the adventure someday…. :)

i don’t know what i’m doing here. all i know is i’m so scared. i’m scared we won’t get back together. i’m scared i won’t ever get over him, and i’m even more scared that i will. and the scariest thing of all is the thought that we will get back together and still be miserable. i just don’t know what to do to prevent that. i know he loves me and wants the best for me. i want to go running back. but i’m paralyzed. i don’t want to move too quickly in case we really haven’t changed yet, and i don’t want to wait too long because i’m afraid i will lose him as the days go on…. someone please help me out a little here. what do i do?

it’s been almost 6 years since i was on my own, and on sunday, i was thrust into it again…. he was the love of my life (still is, i think) but things had been going badly for a while. still, it seemed like such a sudden and shocking change. it doesn’t even seem real. we want to be together, we hate this time apart, but it is obvious we both have to grow up, and part of that is me learning to be happy all by myself, without him. just, how? i’m only 22… i don’t even know how to be an adult in this world without having him to lean on. i’m trying to move on. i’m making plans, trying to take care of all those things that i had started to let go of. but every day just seems to be worse and i just can’t wait until a couple of weeks or months go by so that we can start talking again, maybe pick up where we left off. it’s funny how you start to get used to each other, take each other for granted until you almost don’t even notice the other one is around… until you don’t have each other anymore. then, suddenly there is this big hole in your life and in your heart and you don’t even know how you are going to go on from one day to the next. i’m trying so hard to pick up the pieces, but i can’t focus on work or school, all i can do is think about him and what he is doing and why can’t we just go back to the way things were…? i’m angry at myself for letting him control me like this (even though he doesn’t know he has this control) but i know that he does and i can’t believe i am allowing this. what can i do to make the pain start to go away and just be happy with myself???