sandra²

I get excited if i see a pretty star-sky and i feel this moment of light heartedness if i see a shootingstar. seeing the northern lights would mean to feel alive. I’ve always felt a weird connection to light and in the past months it has become more than just a fact in life: light to me is life. there are moments when you feel like you are glowing. maybe we can’t see if we do but we definitely can see if others have this certain light in their eyes. not many people have it, so if you found the light don’t let it slip away. I want to find my light. maybe i already found it deep inside of me but I, myself, can’t really tell.
seeing the northern lights became one of my biggest wishs because I just know that this will be a moment I will always remember in my life.
I want to see the light that makes me feel more alive than anything.

who wants to be forgotten? a very few people do and I do not belong to them. I want to forget people and things but me, myself, I generally dont want to be simply forgotten. In a way this is the best proof of how content you are with what you’ve done, with your decisions, actions, words- with yourself.
the thought of being forgotten is sad but in the end the ones that are important in your life won’t forget you. not now, not in 1 year, not in 10 years and not after you’ve left this world.
it is almost scary though how good some people are in forgetting. it takes a long time to create your own life, to be the person you want to be and in the end it takes many people not even a month to forget.
once again, even though this thought hurts, it doesnt really matter. why? because it is the brutal way to show you who really cares , who ever cared and who never really did. of all the friends you have , not even 50% will remember you in the end. maybe it was wrong to call them friends then, wasnt it? the ones who love you though will never forget and this, by far, is more worth it than all of your friends thinking of you once a year.

Please, remember me
Happily
By the rosebush laughing
With bruises on my chin
The time when
We counted every black car passing
Your house beneath the hill
And up until
Someone caught us in the kitchen
With maps, a mountain range
A piggy bank
A vision too removed to mention
But

Please, remember me
Fondly
I heard from someone you’re still pretty
And then
They went on to say
That the pearly gates
Had some eloquent graffiti
Like “We’ll meet again”
And “Fuck the man”
And “Tell my mother not to worry”
And angels with their great
Handshakes
Were always done in such a hurry
And

Please, remember me
At Halloween
Making fools of all the neighbors
Our faces painted white
By midnight
We’d forgotten one another
And when the morning came
I was ashamed
Only now it seems so silly
That season left the world
And then returned
And now you’re lit up by the city
So

Please, remember me
Mistakenly
In the window of the tallest tower call
Then pass us by
But much too high
To see the empty road at happy hour
Leave and resonate
Just like the gates
Around the holy kingdom
With words like “Lost and Found”
And “Don’t Look Down”
And “Someone Save Temptation”
And

Please, remember me
As in the dream
We had as rug-burned babies
Among the fallen trees
And fast asleep
Aside the lions and the ladies
That called you what you like
And even might
Give a gift for your behavior
A fleeting chance to see
A trapeze
Swing as high as any savior
But

Please, remember me
My misery
And how it lost me all I wanted
Those dogs that love the rain
And chasing trains
The colored birds above there running
In circles round the well
And where it spells
On the wall behind St. Peter’s
So bright with cinder gray
And spray paint
“Who the hell can see forever?”
And

Please, remember me
Seldomly
In the car behind the carnival
My hand between your knees
You turn from me
And said, “The trapeze act was wonderful
But never meant to last”
The clown that passed
Saw me just come up with anger
When it filled with circus dogs
The parking lot
Had an element of danger
So

Please, remember me
Finally
And all my uphill clawing
My dear
But if I make
The pearly gates
Do my best to make a drawing
Of God and Lucifer
A boy and girl
An angel kissin on a sinner
A monkey and a man
A marching band
All around the frightened trapeze swingers

finding or being found. i am not good at finding things so i figured i just need to be found. in return though, someone else will be found. being found is more than just that to me though. it’s a lot more.
even things like friends want to be found, a good college, your favorite song.

patience.