satinfemme

I still want the memorial tear on my shoulder, but I also want ‘man has the freedom to choose’ on my foot…still waiting to move out though to avoid wrath…

8. Tempe Block Party

3. Virginia
4. Sail Inn, tempe
5. Baltimore, MD
6. Washington DC
7. Museum of the Marine Corps
8. North Carolina
9. Los Angeles
10. Santa Monica Pier

got a speeding ticket
had said speeding ticket taken care of by a lawyer

took a road trip
rented a rental car

stayed the night in a hostel
went to a farmers market

fight club
momento
clerks
clerks 2

...those were the cult classics i saw with the guys

my gal pal and her people want to go camping after spring break, so I am hoping to go with them. they wanted to earlier in the month, but the weather turned bad. I got so excited that I went and restrung my parent’s awesome, old tent. I’m ready to go. I may even bring a tent warmer (read: boy).

my Man will take me to go camping this fall :) i think he’s brave to take me, being that i’m not the swiftest creature and i’m not big into the outdoors, but it means a lot to me!

I found the courses and teachers to ask about volunteering as a model…now I just have to get the nerve to set it in motion.

I know who will get one of the last two books, but the timing is not right yet, but when it is, I know that it will be received with the love and intention that I give it with.

i think i know what i need to send…its not a huge secret, but its something that i hope will be lifted off my shoulders and my heart…just need to find the address again and make my card…

I took advantage of the opportunity to have my first time with someone who I really trusted, and I love, but we weren’t in love…I don’t regret it. At the time I thought it was best for me to do it with someone I really trusted, because I didn’t know when that opportunity would come again. All I can say is that I’m glad I waited, because at a younger age this entire experience would have turned me inside-out emotionally.

i really am only 30 min away-on my first trip i drove myself, got lost, found myself, looked like a fool, but fell in love with the waves, the sounds, the sand, the smells, everything!

it’s not even ‘have sex with someone special’...it’s wait altogether for the right person.

i set a goal to not have sex until i was at least 18. i may have contemplated breaking that, but no one actually got me to (not as in force, but i didn’t want to that badly for anyone)

so now i’m going on 21 and i haven’t even dated anyone in the past…oh dear soap-on-a-rope…3 years!

I don’t regret making that goal, waiting that long, passing up ‘opportunity’, even waiting three more years…well, i’m a little annoyed with doing the great thing of waiting and getting ‘punished with celibacy’ now…that’s harsh, but some days it feels like that…and just doing it with anyone is not an option either, no matter how hot-and-bothered i get!

I still have an entire set of theory books in order to learn scales. I am entertaining the possibility of looking casually for a keyboard in a second hand store in NY and if I find one, I will put the theory books to use, because while I’ve done some of the exercises, they don’t seem to stick, and I think physically doing them will be the best thing!

I will find out who to speak with to find out the process for becoming a “living art” model for the next school year.

In an effort to put my mind in a better place, starting May 15, as I get on a plane to NY for three months, I will cease to weigh myself on a scale for that entire time. Since I am rather healthy right now I need to seek peace in just feeling well from the inside out, not the “numbers, in”.

If I break my goal before three months, I set it over again, and keep trying. Every time I break it, it goes for another three months.

it’s a little late to write about this, but I did reach my goal, it just wasn’t the most important thing in my life at the time to write about, which is a good thing, because it shouldn’t consume my life.

in total I have lost 35lbs in about 14 months. in the past 5 months I have decreased my body fat from 28-23%. I am in a very healthy range right now.

I still feel un-content with this sometimes because on the outside I don’t look like the ideal I want to, but I think if I overcome obsessing about it, it will actually happen on its own in time and when it does I will notice and be delightfully surprised!

I know what my secret is.

I have told someone about it, but I don’t think it means I can’t send one now, because I praise myself because I told someone, because it helps me get over it emotionally and that is the whole point

my goal over the summer is to find out where he is burried and when I can visit him.

I would like to visit him, if I am ready, when I get back into town in the fall.

I have attended a christian community church a couple times. I go in part to share in the peaceful setting that is there. When I do go I also ask that their prayer group pray for Alex. I think in some grand sceme it’s important to him and even if prayer is only the power of positive thinking (how i see it now), I want all the positive thought possible going to him.

As for the peaceful setting there it calms me down. As for the messages they teach, if I take everything refering to “God” out, they still hold valid suggestions.

I really heard this weekend how people were supposed to find such peace in “Him” and while I felt so un-peaceful inside I wished I could find that serenity…and thought well, they’re offering it here to me, maybe I could go along with it. But I know that’s wrong, because while I wholeheartedly with to find a way to be peaceful I cannot deny that I do not believe in a higher power.