savannahherself

I am done with being pushed around my whole life. I am done with being obliging, accommodating, understanding, appreciative and thoughtful. I’m tired of this bullshit. The only reason I have ever put up with bullshit is because I love the people who push me around, so I bend over backwards to make them love me back. So far, no luck. I’m thinking it’s not going to work. My family will either realize I’m not perfect, not their ideal Southern Baptist Christian future homemaker and love me, or they won’t. That’s it. I’m done with trying. Fuck it.
From now on, I’ll answer the phone when I want and won’t when I’m not in the mood. I’m not going to lie about trying to find a “new church family,” I’m not going to come home every other weekend, and I’m not going to take any more shit from anyone.
I’m thinking this is going to be a pretty big life adjustment, seeing as how I have been the most accommodating person you’ve never met for the majority of my known life. Obviously, I don’t want to fuck up anything for my school career, or my future job prospects. But I’m going to have to figure out how to cease the perpetual attempts at pleasing that I have carried out with my family since I was at least 6 years old and still thought I had secret magic powers.
I am done with being a doormat. From now on, I will begin my new enterprise: becoming a badass.

Well, I’m not exactly better at directions per se, but I did manage to get my hands on a GPS! I didn’t get lost once on the way up to Chicago! Does that count? I think it should.

So, in an effort to finally start exercising, I’ve been running lately on the treadmill in the basement. I stay in the airconditioning, I watch TV or an action movie, I drink my water. I’ve been able to get up to 6 miles, but usually do around 4 miles about 4 days a week. I feel better about myself, although I haven’t reached my weight loss goal yet. That’s ok. I feel like I’m taking control of my situation, and really trying to make my life better. I have a new goal – I really want to run the Chicago half marathon by this spring. Both my dad and my sister run marathons like they’ve got nothing else to do in the world. I’ve always been the fatter, slower one – but no more! If I can keep training like this, I’m going to do it! A half marathon is only half a marathon, but for me, it’s a giant step!