I'm doing 41 things
so i tried to get in touch with her again.. i told her i was always here.. i told her how much i missed her.. but got nothing in return.. then a day later i find out that while me and rachel were fighting she called rachel because her boyfriend never came home and she had a doctors appointment in the morning.. so rachel being a good person drives all the way out to where she was at 7am after drinking most of the nite and takes her to her doctors appointment.. well too bad rachel didn’t know what kind of doctors appointment this was.. her second fucking abortion.. and the dad of the baby wasn’t even there with her.. he was out doing drugs and such.. i just need to cut myself off from caring because that is not her anymore.. she got back in rachels car and puked the whole ride home.. and then never called rachel again.. rachel tried to call her a bunch of times and she never called again.. god she fucking terrifies me.. i can’t even begin to explain how bad my hands are shaking just trying to type about this.. fuck
shatteredhope11's Life List
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1. Stop writing shit that people who matter never read..!!!
1 entry1 person -
2. Sing on stage again
1 entry . 2 cheers22 people -
3. go see a show in NYC
1 entry1 person -
4. make amends with those who matter
1 entry . 2 cheers1 person -
5. go back to Switzerland
1 entry13 people -
6. Go fishing
1 entry424 people -
7. make someone feel special
1 entry . 3 cheers15 people -
8. Start my own business
7,337 people -
9. find an outside place that shows classic black and white movies
1 entry . 2 cheers1 person -
10. call two of my cousins more
1 person -
11. sing some karaoke
1 person -
12. have no worries
1 entry27 people -
13. play connect four
1 entry . 1 cheer2 people -
14. stop walking around barefoot all the time
1 entry1 person -
15. figure out my guitar
1 entry1 person -
16. figure out what i believe in
2 cheers18 people -
17. stop being shy about singing
1 entry . 2 cheers1 person -
18. smile more and mean it
1 cheer7 people -
19. stop missing lost people so much
1 entry10 people -
20. drunk color
1 entry2 people -
21. get my degree
358 people -
22. read more
6,361 people -
23. sit around a bonfire
1 cheer2 people -
24. go to venice
149 people -
25. have a food fight
205 people -
26. save more money
2,138 people -
27. play nintendo
6 people -
28. watch a clockwork orange
1 entry57 people -
29. get my own place
613 people -
30. not get smushed in the mosh pits at warped tour
1 person -
31. go on a random road trip
17 people -
32. feel fucking loved again
1 cheer1 person -
33. marry adam brody
5 people -
34. be fluent in another language
187 people -
35. get a puppy
1,133 people -
36. see the northern lights
14,567 people -
37. lay in the grass and stare at the clouds
1 entry . 2 cheers314 people -
38. throw my lil one a grad party
1 entry1 person -
39. stop laughing so much
3 people -
40. steal a kiss in the rain
1 person -
41. live instead of exist
2 cheers557 people
haha i finally watched labyrinth the other day.. i was in a horrible mood before work and i knew i had to suck it up and get my shift over with so i decided to turn to david bowie/ jennifer connelly/ and creepy goblins for some smiles.. oh man i love that movie.. haha and its a vhs.. pish nothing is better than that.. “you remind me of the babe, what babe, the babe with the power, what power, the power of vodoo, who do, you do, do what?, remind me of the babe..” oh god i can type the entire song from memory.. .its pathetic.. lol
i feel like i see them (them being my close friends who “care” so much) i feel like i always seem them realize when everyone else isn’t okay or i feel like they’re always checking up on and reading everything and anything anybody else has to say.. but i put myself out there so often and i never find a hand or an ear in return.. so much is going on in my life right now.. so much that sometimes i don’t know how i handle it all.. i see others with what seems like nothing wrong and its always okay for them to break and they always find comfort but for some reason all my “cries” always “fall upon deaf ears” .. i need to stop writing shit that i hope certain people read and i hope someone realizes because they never do.. i wish i knew who really reads this stuff.. like my blogs on stupid myspace.. i can see how many “views” there have been but i never know who viewed them.. i don’t know why i’m still typing right now.. i just didn’t have a good nite last nite which turned into day today and also night again.. i wish he’d call.. he usually does.. i feel silly calling him.. i’m such a dork..
