sheena2420

Well here I am, just finished crying about a guy that always seems to hurt me. I thought…and thought….and thought….and thought…why? Why do I have to worry about someone that doesn’t worry about me. This may sound ridiculous but I feel as if he may turn around and see something in us. At least I think that. I just want to get him out of my head and move on from the pain he causes me, but I can’t. He has this vortex that sucks me in to believing that he likes me…what a dumb shit I am! I wish I could stop analyzing everything about him and everything about us (whatever us may be).

21. sleeping until half the day is gone
22. shopping
23. trying on clothes
24. being by myself
25. as sad as this sounds…eating
26. a good cry
27. a good movie
28. a good book
29. randomly driving
30. swinging on a swing set

I have felt so wonderfully crappy about myself lately. Of course a guy has done this to me. A guy tends to ruin my life and make me feel unbelievably shitty about myself. Why? (a guy must answer this question) I never thought that this guy was horrible, but he is. From what I hear he has changed from the guy he was last year, but that doesn’t mean that he has changed the way he treats a girl. What a fucker! I feel as if I look extremely fat, I don’t dress nicely, I don’t put the right type of make-up on, my hair color isn’t nice, my personality is boring and crappy, etc. etc. In the back of my head I know that I am not that bad, but in the front of my head (the part I believe I use more) I feel as if it is all so so so true. In all honesty I know that I should just stop seeing this guy and get him the fuck out of my mind, but for some fucking reason that is so so so hard. I think the fact of the matter is that he is the first guy to take me into his arms and let me forget that the rest of the world exists. I have never had a boyfriend or my first kiss and I guess I believe that he will come around and just sweep my off my feet and give me that lift my leg up kind of kiss or just hold me tighter to make me believe that he is mine, all mine! I guess I just need to stop thinking about him and forget him, hell all my friends are telling me that he doesn’t want me and that I should just stop it. Damnit I don’t think they know how hard it is to forget someone that just enters your life like that.