I'm doing 12 things
i really want to let go of the past… ive felt like the past year and a half ive been in a limbo… and i realised that escaping and entertaining myself with ideas of the future is what has kept me in this limbo for all this time…i havent really progressed
what happened was that i was really in love with my last relationship.. which then fell to pieces…
i left him to come visit my family for a few months..my sister had gone to jail and was coming out so i wanted to see her.. which turned into a year and a half now… thinking in simple terms.. thats probably y i feel it so hard to let go mentally… because my intention was always to go back to be with him…
in the end ..while visiting my family.. it all fell apart.. i broke up with him bcuz i was insecure and felt i had to bcuz he lied and he cheated on me…and i was hurt and angry by how he treated me. all we had was bad communication and mistrust of eachother ..in between a strong sense that i loved him.. and i know he missed me too..in between the fights…well.. we reached a breaking point with a lack of respect and honesty… but he was the closest friend i had… i put all my thoughts into seeing him again and waiting that day to fix everything…. i know it was silly .. but thats what you do when you are so infatuated and your life becomes a mess.. you just want a way out.. it happened that my dad gained a drug problem while i had been living away.. we discoverd it when he left my house totally unexpectedley … disapeared abroad to be with another family… i was devastated emotionaly.. he basicaly cheated and left my mum..and forgot about his kids to be with someone else.. i never in a million years would have thought this to happen. i think all this time has helped me to come to an acceptance of the past events. but i am not who i used to be… i lost myself and my sense of all i knew… to be completley honest, it was a big shock. all this happened at the same time we lost our house to the bank. so i stayed here with my mom and my brother to help her move house and basically be her support…i had to.. but it was awful time too for me… my bf stopped contact with me.. and i felt totaly dependant on him.. probably making things worse because i was in such a bad state,... anyways… despite all the problems we went through i wanted to see him again… he ended up leaving to his home country… now hes there.. after so much time…i need to let it go ..
at the time i left.. we were having fights..and problems.. we had got back together recently ..but i was totaly insecure, i thot he had been unfaithful.. he was insecure too.. and he was illegal in the country where we were living…
.. without being able to actally do anything about acheiving that dream and my ideas… im writign this now because ive realised that i believed i let go of the past.. but i just let go temporarily.. still thinking about the future has made me realised i am daydreaming too much.. it fills my head everyday about what to do about my last relationship .. and my life… i want to believe i need closure..but i gues a bit of my heart never wanted closure.. so its hard..
shei_781's Life List
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1. stop procrastinating
26,966 people -
2. stop daydreaming
77 people -
3. take better care of my teeth
1 entry595 people -
4. fall devastatingly and totally in love with someone desperately and totally in love with me
247 people -
5. whistle between my fingers
103 people -
6. leave heads-up pennies for the finding
28 people -
7. stop dreaming and start doing
1 cheer263 people -
8. Learn Aikido
359 people -
9. Donate blood
1 cheer2,592 people -
10. take more risks and be more confident
1 entry8 people -
11. dance dance dance
1 cheer127 people -
12. Let go of the past
1 entry1,579 people
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How I did it: i been veggie for .. well.. all my life... hahahasorry.. was raised that way.but i definately recomend it, even having gone through a lifetime of ppl trying to suggest me otherwise.dont belive the media..1. its HEALTHIER by far2. u might be interested to know that one of the main destructive industries behind chopping down the rainforest land in south america is cattle farming for beef burgers. fact.3. im too tired to want to preach … Read how I did it…
How I did it: i think 1: understand why, REALLY why u feel guilty . what it is, in YOU YOURSELF that causes it, and also if someone else is helping u to feel that way, possibly making it worse, or provoking u to feel it more> <analise it , write it, sift thru the mess of feelings to pin point it if u need , if someone else is involved (most likely) decide whether they have a right to help u feel this guilt (chances r thers an element of truth wit… Read how I did it…
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i always had the want but never had the motivation now i have a good excuse ..wisdom teeth ouchh …....today….i welcome the pain haha cuz its getting me to a dentist finaly lol
driven by necesity lol
ITS ALL ABOUT JUST MAINTAINING AN UNDENIABLE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF, AND THIS WILL MAKE YOU ACT TO THE WORLD AS IF YOU HOLD A LITTLE SECRET… AND THIS .. IS WISDOM.. AND THAT WISDOM IS… HAPPINESS.
THATS MY HOLD ON THINGS.
MYSTERIOUS IS SIMPLY THE CONFIDENT PERSON TO THE UNCONFIDENT PERSON, AND THE KEEN TO THE UNKEEN.
THIS.. AND KNOWLEDGE IS POWER…
...SOMETIMES I TALK A LOT AND TALK TOO MUCH FOR THINGS THAT COME TO MY HEAD TO MAKE PEOPLE THINK THEY KNWO MORE ABOUT METHAN I DO MYSELF , BUT NEVER ALLOW THAT TO ACTUALLY HAPPEN… YOUCAN ALWAYS GAIN RESPECT AND MYSTERY THROUGH SECRETS… AND MYSECRETS FOR ME ARE KNOWLEDGE. AND NUMBER TWO.. ALWAYS SHOW LOVE.
xxoo!!
