Sherlock

is riding again...



I'm doing 38 things
 

Sherlock's Life List

  1. 1. Hone my attention down to the MOST important goals
    32 entries . 64 cheers
    1 person
  2. 2. schedule daily goals I can accomplish
    135 entries . 43 cheers
    22 people
  3. 3. parent bravely and compassionately
    102 entries . 50 cheers
    1 person
  4. 4. fix up my house
    34 entries . 17 cheers
    117 people
  5. 5. clear away the excess
    35 entries . 13 cheers
    1 person
  6. 6. excel in my work
    36 entries . 11 cheers
    1 person
  7. 7. admit what I really want
    22 entries . 44 cheers
    36 people
  8. 8. have adventures
    38 entries . 58 cheers
    203 people
  9. 9. manage my health with minimal disruption to my life
    2 team members . 195 entries . 25 cheers
    3 people
  10. 10. eat healthily
    92 entries . 38 cheers
    241 people
  11. 11. resume exercising as I get well
    9 entries . 1 cheer
    1 person
  12. 12. read the Bible, the whole thing.
    69 entries . 27 cheers
    6 people
  13. 13. grow spiritually
    27 entries . 15 cheers
    208 people
  14. 14. tell the truth about my life
    85 entries . 35 cheers
    4 people
  15. 15. disclose 43 things about me
    32 entries . 5 cheers
    1 person
  16. 16. get people to send healing thoughts and prayers to Jessy's husband
    38 team members . 1 entry . 5 cheers
    9 people
  17. 17. make a list of authors/books I want to read
    11 entries . 11 cheers
    3 people
  18. 18. at least occasionally dress like a grown-up
    20 entries . 11 cheers
    1 person
  19. 19. save favorite quotes
    8 entries . 7 cheers
    1 person
  20. 20. make more family scrapbooks
    2 entries . 10 cheers
    1 person
  21. 21. Encourage others to donate to my favorite charities, too
    2 entries . 9 cheers
    1 person
  22. 22. write occasional haiku, even if it's bad
    15 entries . 10 cheers
    1 person
  23. 23. sleep well
    12 entries . 9 cheers
    199 people
  24. 24. focus on projects that are meaningful to me
    1 entry . 6 cheers
    1 person
  25. 25. do _something_ to reduce child rape
    6 cheers
    1 person
  26. 26. go to a ballgame
    1 cheer
    1 person
  27. 27. create a "family" around me
    1 person
  28. 28. go to a spiritual group meeting
    1 person
  29. 29. figure it out
    17 entries . 4 cheers
    56 people
  30. 30. actually allow someone to take me out (as in date)
    1 entry . 4 cheers
    1 person
  31. 31. list odd thoughts
    1 entry . 4 cheers
    1 person
  32. 32. think on good things
    7 entries . 10 cheers
    2 people
  33. 33. go to a political meeting at least once
    1 person
  34. 34. Wish RuthG a Convivial Frugal Birthday on July 4th with Fresh Poetry
    29 people
  35. 35. get my old clothes out
    2 entries . 6 cheers
    1 person
  36. 36. save some of myself for myself
    5 entries . 3 cheers
    1 person
  37. 37. wish asterisk a brilliant, scientifically valid yet mellow birthday July 4!
    8 people
  38. 38. Make Sherlock understand what a wonderful woman, loving mother, and competent person we all think she is.
    1 entry . 2 cheers
    1 person
Recent entries
parent bravely and compassionately (read all 102 entries…)
A bout of depression 6 hours ago

Several weeks ago, you know, I had that weekend meltdown. It prompted a lot of thinking and some good discussions with you and with M, my best friend.

M encouraged me to set some limits with the kids about dumping hassles on me. It’s been just adding to the fatigue. We talked about making a very explicit list of chores and telling them to either step up and do them or give up their phones so I can afford a maid more often than twice a month.

I did that. The lists are of weekly chores and daily chores, since they seem to be ignoring both. We talked about them when they got back from California last Tuesday, and they actually seemed to get it.

Girl-child seems to use hers. She is checking off each chore done, like I told her, and she can measure when she should be free by when she gets the chores done. It’s very helpful to me, because I don’t have to keep reminding her.

Son-child, on the other hand, followed his for a day or two, and then started ignoring it. Last night he wanted to go out on a date, but he had not done the most basic chores. I told him not till he did them. He threw things together and left—leaving his stuff still thrown around everywhere. Worse yet, I had heard about this work camp he’s supposed to go to in 2 weeks, next time he’s with me. He didn’t tell me about it.

I had an epiphany…a recognition of the pattern. He doesn’t pay attention to Mother’s Day. He forgets to tell me when his graduation is, or that there is a reception afterwards. He goes with his dad to college orientation, during his custodial time with me, and forgets to tell me he’s leaving town (Can you imagine my fear when I found him gone?). He schedules a work trip during his custodial time with me and doesn’t even tell me. He constantly forgets even basic house rules, like don’t dump your boxers in the hall.

He doesn’t hate me: I’m pretty sure of that. He just isn’t even thinking of me at all. Zippo. He’s not even registering that I exist.

I mean, look at it: He doesn’t even register Mother’s Day, even with all the publicity. That almost takes work, but he can tune things out like nobody’s business. He tunes out that he hasn’t told me basic things. His head is full of his music, his girl, his college, his phone, his graduation, his car, his everything.

I am so sad, because I didn’t raise him to be this way. I gave him responsibility and I kept after him. But his dad didn’t. I had him get presents for his sister’s birthday, etc., but he didn’t have to do that at dad’s. I didn’t give him a car or an ipod or an mp3 player either, for that matter. I don’t have the money. But dad did.

It doesn’t matter. He is almost 18, and I won’t be there to see it, because he’s at dad’s house, and he won’t remember he has a mother. I am done reminding him. I told him today that I didn’t believe he meant to hurt me, but that I have feelings that he’s completely missing. I told him about my feelings (knowing he’ll promptly forget them), but I felt that he should hear them. I didn’t yell at him, but I wanted him to see the pattern and see how much it’s hurting me. I pointed out to him that his dad may enable him, but at this point, he’s responsible for his own behavior.

He didn’t say a word.

He’s grounded. He may lose his phone, if I can muster up the energy to care about it. But none of that will change who he fundamentally is….....which is a very, very self-centered person. It’s really sad.



save some of myself for myself (read all 5 entries…)
It seemed enough 22 hours ago

to have the morning drive into work, with the top down and Willie Nelson advising us to bring whiskey for our men and beer for our horses…......................



grow spiritually (read all 27 entries…)
Collosians 22 hours ago

I’ve read several more chapters that Paul wrote, and my feelings about him have changed, subtly, slowly. I can feel his urgency and conviction now, ringing through letter after letter. He considered these churches his offering to God. There is so much passion in them, and I can understand that, given how I feel about mentoring my children and my students.

He was also, in seems, virtually growing a religion, trying to articulate the fundamental tenets of Christianity. I don’t really understand why he felt a need to do that, although I’m gathering that there were many sects that sprang up after Christ died. Was Paul feeling pressed to represent the true Christ? Was he afraid that Christ’s message would be lost? I’m guessing so, since he seems to feel so much urgency.

It’s awesome how many letters he wrote. Over and over again….reassuring, storming, warning, cajoling. They are really highly personal letters, and I feel like I’m going into someone’s private papers….almost too intimate.



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