This is something I used to have but am working on regaining, stronger than ever, about myself. People almost stripped me down and killed who I was inside… because I almost ALLOWED them to do so. God is the only one I should seek approval and guidance from… and as I’m beginning to think this way again… I’m gaining my old self back. People are a distraction when I begin putting them and their thoughts before God and His truth!!
I am healing so much. God is my restoration, Redeemer, stability, Counselor.
My hair is looking GREAT!!! I’m growing it out too. I’m becoming healthier inside and out and it is showing! :)
I’m understanding the vital importance of being very cautious about what kinds of influences I put myself around; I already knew it was important, but I’m understanding this importance on a whole new level. I’ve been praying for God to PLEASE bring more good, stable, loving, mature, healthy, and discerning Christian influences into my life – that will lift me up, not drag me down. As the bible verse says…
As iron sharpens iron,
so one man sharpens another.
I need to be around those who are seeking the same growth, love, maturity, and discernment through relationship with God that I am, so that I can continue to develop and grow – and not get off track. Then I will be strong enough to better take care of myself and to lift up the weak and struggling around me.
I am learning how to better show love to others and to accept love from others, to open myself up emotionally to others – not only in love relationships, but also in friendships. I don’t have to ‘survive’ anymore… I don’t live in an abusive environment anymore. It’s finally sinking in: Just because my past was painful doesn’t mean my future HAS to be also. God has more for me and is melting away the hardness built up over years of abuse… so that I can be and become who He always intended for me to become. God is my stability and is helping me to break down those thick and sturdy walls that I had to build up for years, in order to not be completely torn apart inside. Now I have to ask God to melt the hard places in my heart and to bring warmth to me so that I can share it with others and accept it from others. It’s beginning to happen more… it’s just a process.
I have learned to be completely vulnerable… but went to the extreme with it and allowed myself to be putty in people’s hands. Now that I’ve discovered how to stay vulnerable and not be so afraid of doing so, I need to work on the other end of the spectrum more to balance things out, to guard my heart as God tells us to: establish more BOUNDARIES so that I don’t allow others to have ALL ACCESS to who I am. There are parts of me that should be off limits to all (or most) people and only shared between me and my Father in heaven. This bible verse says it all:
Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.
Though it’s important to learn to open up and be more vulnerable with other human beings (since God did make us relational beings), it’s MOST important that I focus on staying vulnerable with GOD with all areas of my life. I know He would never tears parts of me to shreds but will only make me better as I expose the fragile, broken, and dark parts of myself to His light. I am a sinful and imperfect human being – just as we all are – and God is the only One who will allow me to come before Him, just as I am, completely broken and open, in all cases.
I am praying more to God than I have in a while. Any time things feel confused and jumbled up in my head… I’ve learned that that’s the time I need to fall directly to knees and ask for God’s guidance and clarity. God wants for us to come directly to HIM when we are in trouble. If I wait, it’s kind of like saying, “Oh I can handle this without God’s help for a little while…” None of us are invincible and the truth is that we can not do anything correctly without God’s intervention and guidance.
I am growing in Christ on a more mature level than I ever have before. I have been through so much terrible in the last few months that I’ve been forced to live and breath GOD’S WORD above all else in order to survive… to not depend on ANY human being for help out of the mess I was ensnared into. It is so dangerous to trust in men’s words… even Christian men’s words. All people are sinners and are flawed in their perceptions on life, and on others in this life, in one way or another. Only God can see the full picture and know who each of us truly are and why, as well as, our reasons for acting out in certain ways.
In this case, if I’d listened to any person around me and accepted the beliefs (or words) being spread by people around me, I would have lost the core of who I am; people had begun spreading things that were extremely untrue and damaging to the health of my life, psychologically and emotionally. I couldn’t even depend on my parents to see the truth anymore… people saw and believed what appeared to be truth… but it was deception straight from satan. It is always best to go directly to God as my source of wisdom and help… not to people. People are not fully stable – no, not one of us… my help should always come from the Lord. I would have most definitely lost my life had I continued to seek stability from people around me.
I hold a much stronger value to my relationship with God and to His truths in my life than I EVEREVER have. It took me almost losing my life to realize this is the outlook I need to have in order to truly survive in this life full of sin and spiritual warfare. I now truly know the meaning of spiritual warfare.
If you are seeking approval, wisdom, or happiness from anyone or anything besides the one and only God… found in the Bible… beware – you WILL become ensnared. I pray that all who read this take heed to it and see the importance of growing in God’s word. God’s word – the Bible – is the foundation of a relationship with Him (is His wisdom and love… TRUTH… being fed straight into us) and the foundation of peace and LIFE for all of us. It’s the only guidebook in this life that is completely accurate and will always straighten out your mess, if you follow God’s teachings inside of it.
I sleep with my Bible now… sounds silly, but that’s how important the truth inside of it is to me. I have been saved by rejecting men’s thoughts and depending on God’s thoughts alone – through His inspired Word.
This is something I’ve been doing more of lately.
I’ve begun to go to God… DIRECTLY in prayer, anytime I’m alone in a place where I can do so aloud. I’ve learned that the sooner I take something to God, the better… the sooner He can start to work in my struggle and the more likely He will answer the desire of my heart – because I chose to trust Him with it – more than I trust myself with it.
I have had to overcome SO much adversity in the last year… I have grown tremendously. God has given me a huge kick in the pants… and while I was going through it, I thought I’d never survive… but, now, I look back and am able to say if “If I could accomplish and/or overcome ALL that… then I can do a lot of things considered smaller in comparison.” God’s made me strong and victorious in Him. Thank you Lord for taking care of me!!! I continue to pray even now, as I’m going through more at the present moment. Even though it’s still not easy… it is easier to handle than before. Praise the Lord!
One of my biggest goals right now is to stay vulnerable. I have spent most of my life keeping a wall up… not letting anyone get close enough for it to do me any good. I fell in love last year for the first time, at the age of 23, and received my first kiss. Since then… I’ve been trying my hardest to keep my guard down and allow myself to risk being hurt… because it’s worth it if you’re not.
I have healed so much! It’s amazing how much clearer you can see things when you’re not constantly drowning in depression.
Still working towards this…
My hair is looking wonderful! And I’m growing it out long like it used to be in high school!
My focus is much better than before!!!
I pray a LOT more than before!
I’ve grown in Christ tremendously over the past few months… it’s the hard times that bring you really close to Christ. Sometimes we need to be reminded that everything on this earth is only temporary and that the only One that we should really depend on and hold priority to is God in heaven. He can remind us of that easily when He feels the need to. It’s good that He does… it means that He loves us and wants to see us growing, not falling apart… it’s His way of protecting us from further harm… showing us the people and things we really can live without. He is all we truly need. Anything else handed to us is a blessing He has entrusted us with.
This is still a work in progress but I’ve grown a tremendous amount in this area, in the past year. I’ve been through hell and back… being harassed at work, losing my position, continuing to be treated like something I’m not at my place of employment, being judged very harshly at my home church that I’ve returned to… everyone finding out about my past with my ex (because I tell someone in confidence and make the mistake of trusting them to not air my personal business all over the place), my new boss talking to me like I’m stupid… when I’m anything but. I’m pretty sure God’s just trying to break me completely of caring about what people think… it’s finally kicking in!! When you’re at the bottom, there’s no where to go but up… and I’ve been tormented in all areas of my life for a while. It’s getting to the point that it’s so regular a pattern… that I don’t even think about it so much anymore. It’s about time!