shunyata

went bodysurfing yesterday, something i really can’t do here, where i live, because the water is just too cold. but yesterday on our way home from a last-minute end-of-summer trip down south we stopped in san clemente and went swimming at their fine beach. for me, stepping into the ocean is as close to a religious experience as i get, immersion in the water is the deepest pleasure i know, bodysurfing in the little waves there was ecstasy. i have been feeling very heavy lately – worry fear and general lack weighing me down. swimming in the ocean yesterday made me feel so light and was so renewing.. i felt freed at least for a few moments or a day from all, from everything. i felt confident. i felt good.

to top things off on the way out of town passed the Rainbow flip-flop factory and stopped in, that was really fun too!

I had forgotten how much I love this album… I was listening to Pandora (do you all know it? Pandora deserves an entry of its own in my love section… i love love love it) and they played The Price of Love from Let’s Stick Together. It reminded me of so many things, of high school, dressing up all in platforms and black hot pants and glammy shiny jewelry and glitter makeup and heading for Gazzari’s and the Roxy on Sunset (yes they served us, what do you think? we were little glam girls in hot pants and platforms… times and rules have changed). It reminded me of when I first left home and moved to Santa Cruz and was this weird amalgamation of Neil Young lovin’ hippie girl crossed with Bowie Roxy lovin glam girl. Funny – 30 years later and I am still that same amalgamation… hmmm. time to change??? Whatever, Bryan Ferry does some great covers of his own Roxy songs on this album, and some new ones too. I forgot how much I loved it, and I am grateful that listening to it brought me back some shiny memories.

ok, i’m taking a poll on what people think i should do because i’m having a lot of trouble making up my mind.

it looks like i’m going to be offered a teaching job in my field – the offer, if it happens, will come in the next couple of days. i have been struggling with finding a new job and changing careers, so this comes at a very good time – i need a job! the job is in the berkshires (beautiful but cold) and one of my closest friends happens to live less than a half hour from campus. same friend has a place for us to rent right away, we could move right in. same friend and partner would be great for support re childcare – they love my son, we spent part of last summer at their house in the berkshires. so far, all the people i’ve spoken with at the college sound very very very nice and i’m sure it would be a very different environment than the one i left. the school is tiny (450 students compared to the 25k i just came from) and so are the classes (max 18). the town it’s in is fantastic and i’m sure i would feel very at home there.

sounds great? downsides: 1) they want me to somehow move cross-country and start working by aug 25!! no formal offer yet so haven’t packed one thing. 2) i gave up my career teaching, never to go back. i didn’t apply for this job, was recruited for it. not sure if i want to go back to something that was difficult for me to maintain in my single-parenthood state. 3) i love where i live now 4) i hate the cold 5) i swore i would never live on the east coast again

biggest upside: it is a JOB. i need a job.

so what do you think?

a side note, not really related…. but the job i really want, the one i waited a year to see advertised was recently advertised and i applied for it, and it seems i will at least interview for it. but the process for this job is slow, very slow, and who knows if i have even the smallest chance of getting it? but it is here and it is taking a different path, and i wouldn’t have to move a fourth time in the space of two years.