shuturfaceitssheryl

wow! about two years ago today, this goal to me was laughable! how strange is the progression of time. this goal was accomplished almost by osmosis, it seems! upon further reflection, i recall that i worked very hard to achieve this goal… As it happens, in the process, i also accomplished my goal of becoming fluent in Spanish! ... now to pass that certification test and ace my auditions… :-D

... But i still feel strangely dissatisfied… perhaps because of the absence of a storybook ending. but i’ll say one thing: it was lovely while it lasted. It was sudden and strange and atypical and unconventional and passionate and thought-provoking and completely fleeting and i find it’s made me a better person. had i been able to make it last longer—and i think i could have—i wouldn’t have. It ended at a point where I can still now think back on it wistfully and semi-longingly.

i don’t know how it happened. just two similarly deviant types connected a couple of times in a parking lot at night. It was beautiful and not contrived in the least, though looking back on it, it certainly might have been by the looks of things. but it just happened mostly, i think because we allowed it to. We didn’t want it to, but we weren’t afraid of it should it have. And lo and behold, it did. I haven’t spoken to him since New Year’s Eve—my birthday. And I don’t think I miss him. We made an epic story together and that’s enough for me. And i don’t think I’d like to do it again.

when did it get so hard to make friends?! goodness. i guess maybe when i stopped looking for them in earnest. or was it when i started?... I never have been the type to be inclined to seek out anything in particular. I’m generally satisfied with who or what I kind of incidentally encounter. It’s worked for me! But now I find i’ve developed a taste for particulars. at least in some regards. this being one of them. I particularly, specifically, need more Christians in my life, adore though I do my unbelieving friends! i think their company for me might be parallel to Jack Daniels keeping company a raging alcoholic. It’s just not optimal. Where do I find them? who’re the nice, non-psychotic, real, living breathing ones!? where’re they hiding? and why do i always have to meet the ones that are awkward, withdrawn, SUPER conservative (boring) and judgmental? sigh I mean, i’m all about a strict adherence to the bible. i’m all about joy and peace that surpass all understanding! but does that have to mean i become the living dead hailing from stepford? what a drag…