sicktotheheart

Is this really my life? I don’t even think I’m alive at times….it’s strange how detached from the moment you become, so that when there are seconds and 10s of seconds and minutes in which you are aware of the moment, you still feel completely removed from it and it’s even less real because it has become hyper real. Then you move in a daze, but you feel every movement. It’s unpleasant. How do I get back into my head?

That may not make sense, but it did when I wrote it.

about online dating.
There’s the issue of comprising my integrity. I wonder how worth it this is just to not be alone.
On the other hand, I think maybe I am simply being realistic by going out of my comfort zone in dating. It is hard to have such narrow restrictions to who you date, and I felt like I could not be pro-active in anyway before. I feel like I actually have options now.

accurate to “diagnose” yourself, but more and more I suspect I have an avoidant personality. I want to connect with people, but I simply cannot. Lately I feel like I have no personality, or no aspect of it worth showing to people. I feel like this black hole of miserableness. I’m convinced I come off as odd and people think I am weird and sad and they pity me, and it’s painful to realize.