I'm doing 43 things
01.09.09
i think i’ve grown up so much these last few months. seriously, i dont know why, maybe its realising that i just can’t be bothered with trying so hard to keep friendships anymore, not that i have given up. but what is the point in damaging friendships that could mean so much more, by trying to repair old ones that arent damaged on my account. let me explain .. basically, i left sixth form to go to college, and pretty much all the people i thought were my best friends forgot about me. i’m left out of everything now, they have a new clan and i’m not included in any of that. it used to upset me so much, and everytime i confronted them about it, they’d say “well your always with your boyfriend now” .. argh. which isnt true because i always jump at every opportunity i get to see them! if they ask me to go out, which is very rare, i’ll be there! but even if it was, why shouldnt i spend time with the one person i can truly trust now and is there for me through everything, the one person i can always go and talk to while all my so called friends are at the pub without me. i think i distanced myself from people at college a little, i mean of course i have friends in my classes, but i never got close because i wanted to stay in the group i had at school.
.. i also think its hit me that i’ll be at uni next year, and thats so scary. i really do need to just grow up and get on with whatever life throws at me because i won’t have these “friends” then anyway.
i’ve also come to realise i shouldnt care about what people think about me. half the people at work hate me because they fancy my boyfriend, its so pathetic. they used to text him all the time, and then fall out with him and slag him off all the time. and then the next day they’d start trying to get in his pants again! so i put my foot down and told him it had to stop. it used to upset me so much that they found any excuse to fall out with me, but now i really just don’t care, i know they slag me off all the time and i dont care. i used to just cry my heart out if someone said a bad word to me at work, but i just shrug my shoulders and get on with it now. i think working there, with all the girls that hate me for no reason .. has made me so much stronger as a person. and i’m thankful to them :)
of course i’d rather not be there, and work somewhere else. but i wouldnt want to give them the satisfaction of bullying me out. its funny because they’ve all started to be nice to me now, soo bloody two-faced. they all want to get on my good side and its so annoying.
.. anyway, i think i can just about cross this one off now.
sorry about the rant :)
