silenttearsofblood

do you ever wish you could sit in a room by yourself, truely by yourself, no longer surrounded by the rush of inconsistent thoughts and feelings which in context make no sense at all. time to myself to me, is non existant. i find it easier to be around people at least then i’m not plagued by irrelevence and undescribable feelings or i can ignore them. i don’t spend much time on my own but it is not a blessing and though i wasnt space my head cannot deal with it. my dad is going on holiday for a week on saturday and i’m home on my own for a week, i have no idea where i’m going to end up i just hope my boyfriend stays for the week.at least if i could have some explanation to the way that i feel then in some way i would be able to begin to mend whatever it is that has gone wrong. in every day situations i think too much, i over analyse everything, i worry about everything. i hold myself back, then at other times i say fuck it and do those things. the things i’m afraid of, the stupid things. and i feel good. this rant preobably hasn’t helped anyone and it hasn’t brought me any closure.just tell me why i feel this way.

i’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year now, we’ve had an almost perfect relationship and never had an argument. one problem, his ex girlfriend has come back on the scene and they’ve started talking more and more over the last couple of months. she keeps asking him to meet up and despite that she has a boyfriend shes told my boyfriend she doesnt really love him. i’m worried because they have broken up and been with other people and got back together agian a number of times. like the people you just cant get over. and i’m scared thats what him and her are. i don’t think he would ever cheat on me with a random person but i do worry he still cares for her. for a time they used to sleep together when they weren’t going out. hes four years older than me and i feel threatened by her and i don’t know what to do about it. i do trust him, and i don’t in my heart believe anything is going on but i keep dreaming about things going on between them.and its affecting us.help..