sillycay

methinks I’m getting sexually harassed. Got a job recently at the pub down my road- the men are fucking pervs. That I can just about deal with considering I’m behind the bar most of the time. This bouncer’s really pissing me off. Won’t stop perving on me, literally talking to another barman next to me about my ass and argh.. makes me feel so uncomfortable. Constantly trying to hug me etc and ‘talk to me.’ despite me saying that I have a bf-which I’m not even sure if I do. I called him at his time 1.30am (he went back to China for two months) and he was pissed off at me for calling. He’s been really crap with texting me these past three days since he saw his phone bill- £50 for the txts he sent to me for the past 2months.
My 2nd day at work the bouncer spanked me. I really REALLY wanted to slap him across the face. I hate it when people do that- just don’t fucking touch me! It’s worse enough that people actually perv on you while you’re working etc… and my God I hate it when people kiss my hand. I don’t want to create a negative atmosphere so soon after joining the pub/club. I wanted David’s attention… his care and … well even an attempt to would be nice. The bouncer literally got another barman and started commenting on my ass right next to me. I feel so damn selfconscious.

Meh… I don’t want to see anyone :(

I had such an amazing Valentines day. Now he just wants me to leave him alone. I just want someone to want me… love me… i feel so crap. eughh…

o i’m also losing my friends. i seem to fall out with most of them … except the odd few because everyone has gotten so bitchy. it’s horrible and …meh :(

I had a load of friends. Literally loads. each year i’d have at least about 20 people at my birthday dinner. Recently every single thing i seem to say offends people even though it’s the same things i joke about anyway. my uni friend’s are fine. they’re lovely. but my friends from secondary are just… meh. my bestfriend who i’ve never argued with in the whole 9 years has gotten pissed off at me for the stupidest thing i said which she took the wrong way. for crying out loud! now she’s trying to be nice to me.. saying how we haven’t talked for ages which is unlike us and how she was pissed off and how i hurt her… why the hell would she think i meant that no one would want her if i said, ‘that doesn’t matter,’ when another friend pointed out they might be gay or whatever the guys at her new uni.

the other friend recently got pissed off at me and nagged me for deciding to go on holiday this summer. my ‘bestfriend,’ asked me if we wanted to go to the V fest this year… and i said it’ll depend on money because i’m saving to go on holiday. she said because i went on holiday last year… and how ‘it’d be nice to spend some time with you’re friend’s you know.’ bugger off. why’s she making me feel bad for something i want? she added how she’s glad i’m only going in june/july. considering she said that i can’t say something bitchy back.

constantly arguing with my sister. she’s finally looking like she actually lives with us now. jesus. i know she stays her her bf’s and not at her friend hannah’s. because for somet strange reason her old job means she has to live in hotels 7 days a week despite her having a car and only taking less than half an hr to drive back. retard. everything i say she takes offense.

i feel so crappy… everything i say seems to be offensive and… i don’t feel like i’ve become harsher in what i say… bleh :(