I don’t know why I feel compelled to write about this under the banner of being sensitive. But I think there’s a point to be made.
I was spending some time with my fiance last night.
And we somehow got into that high five game that kids (and adults) play.
You know the one.
Someone says: “Give me 5”..and you hit their hand.
Then they say “on the side”..
Then they say “down below” etc..
Well when we got to the “you’re too slow” bit, she removed her hand too quickly.
Now, normally my reaction would be to say
“Hey. Let me try again”.
Or say “but you moved your hand too fast”..
Or, say, “hey that’s not fair”.
What do these responses really say about a person. I think they say that:
“I am taking this little game seriously”. “I don’t like losing”.
And most importantly
“I don’t like looking like an idiot that can’t hit your hand in time”
Instead of shouting out something like the above i.e. something that would be a hyper sensitive response, instead, I said something else. Something that was uncconcious. And something that got the nicest reaction.
I said “Ohh noooo!!!!!” in a kid’s voice as I missed her hand on the way down.
And she loved it. Not because she observed that I wasn’t being sensitive. The example is too subtle.
But because it made me human. The response played along with the spirit of the game and made it more fun. I loved my response and so did she.
Its a tiny example that illustrates how, if we can modify our response to something, we can feel and appear more real and genuine to other people. I think being sensitive can be a good thing. But we need to choose when it is appropriate to be sensitive to a comment or situation and when it isn’t.
I’m male, 34, in a relationship. Engaged actually. And hyper-sensitive. To the point where I actually indulge in it.
I wonder whether people that are over sensitive also exhibit another group of behaviours. I’m not a psychologist or anything, but I think by understanding the condition better, it might help me deal with it better.
Here’s the behavioural grouping I was thinking about.
You like helping others.
You under value your own abilities and over elevate other people’s abilities
You have low self esteem.
You surround yourself mostly with people who in comparison aren’t as successful, or as good looking as you.
You prefer your own company to others.
You CONSTANTLY reject love from other people.
Can anyone else relate? I’d be interested to get feedback.
I spent a month travelling through Chile (Latin Am’s Super power) and then crossing through to the continent’s poorest country: Bolivia
My Spanish is pretty good, and it helped me get so much more out of my trip. I met some fantastic people on the way, and will write a blog about it soon. Amazing diversity.
Learn a bit of Spanish if you want to uncover the real S.America though. Bolivia is amazing.
In a fit of inspiration, I completed this goal 3 months before my original target of March 2007. On a cold and damp December morning I completed the Bedford Half Marathon 15 seconds under 2 hours. It was quite simply the most incredible feeling.
Here are 10 things I have learnt through training for this:
1. I have found out that running is as mental as it is physical
2. I shouldn’t set off too fast
2. I can if I think I can!
3. I joined a running club one month before. I was glad I did.
4. I think this is getting addictive!
5. Your body talks to you. Listening to it can sometimes be good advice
6. I plan ahead. I stick to it. I adapt to changes and prioritise where running should fit. Sometimes it doesn’t fit.
8. I don’t get disheartened if I miss a run.
9. Swimming is the perfect compliment to running.
10. I think I like lycra ;)
So before I retire this goal and buy myself the IPOD I promised myself if I did this, I sincerely wanted to say, thanks to my fellow 43Ters that spurred me on. You know who you are! You is the best.
Keep runnin’..keep smiling! YOU CAN DO IT!
Dear Flirt Team, how are you all? Brilliant to see people continually posting up their stories, successful or otherwise. We’re in this together right?!! For better or for worse! We may not be the world’s best flirters, but we do try!!
So after what feels like a few months hiatus from this goal, here’s my latest contribution to go along with yours.
This afternoon. I enquired about a spanish fiesta night taking place at a local restaurant in a few days time.
I stood by the entrance waiting for a waiter or waitress to come up. Whilst doing so, I caught the eye of the very cute (glasses wearing) manager. She gave me a smile whilst serving some other customers. I waited. She eventually came over. I asked about the details about the fiesta night taking place later that week.
Lots of eye contact, lots of smiling. Even a hint of her invading my personal space.
She said whilst smiling that I should come along to the fiesta night! I responded (with a serious maybe even concerned look on my face) saying “so just to be clear, its not an event for little kids then”.
She quickly averted her eyes to some other customers, started walking backwards saying professionally but politely, “You can bring your kids too if you like”....
She returned back to her restaurant.
I don’t have kids.
I could have asked any other question.
I asked that one.
Right, you see the things is…These occurrences hardly ever happen to me. So when they do, I get bewitched by the circumstances and say and do things to put the other person off.
I’m crap at this!!!!
But…BUT! I did have a small moment for a second there.
I just reailised that I am way too keen on first impressions. I’m a tactile guy and think nothing of putting my hand on someone’s arm. However not once, but twice in the last 2 weeks, girls have rejected this. When I don’t want someone to get the “wrong” idea I will create distance, or sit back in my chair
and not smile as much.
When I am being myself, I lean forward, listen attentively, smile like a gibbon on heat, and touch her arm so much you’d think there was a winning lottery ticket stuck to it.
I think I need to find a half way house between being too distant and being too overbearing!!
I got an A! How cool!
I’ll add it to my CV at some point.
Does anyone else feel that learning a diff language is prob one of the most satisfying things you can ever do. Of all the quals I have (granted, not that many), it beats all of them hands downn in terms of pure enjoyment opening doors and finding opportunities.
Flirt Team, I have been trying. That’s all I’m going to say. I have been really trying. Anyway, I appreicate that 43 things is a bit like spying on someone else’s life and so for your pure and voyeuristic pleasure here’s an update.
Have had 2 dates since my previous post with different women.
Don’t get carried away just yet. Read on amigos.
Date 1: I couldn’t have chosen a worse subject to flirt with. All my attempts subtle and not so subtle were met with very straight responses. At one point I even said, “you do know I’m FLIRTING with you”. She replied, “I don’t flirt”
Date 2: Total opposite. From first phone call she was like “So what makes you tick”. Very attractive on the phone. She appreciated my cheesy attempts at flirting back. We met 3 times and she was quite nervous at first. I was able to put her at ease and by the end saw glimpses of the person who I was able to talk freely with on the phone. As I built a clearer picture of who she was I decided I didn’t really like her but like an idiot responded to her flirty signals.
Date 1: She called me and said she’d rather be friends. Which I was really glad about and we had a nice chat about it after.
Date 2: I called it off but shouldn’t have led her on in the weeks after our meeting.
Shall not complain, haven’t had this much to write about on this subject for flippin ages! But I do know that flriting with someone who you don’t really like is not a good idea.
This is a quick win! A car that is clean on the inside just makes it more pleasurable to drive. Its worth doing..I’d say very regularly too. Although the satisfaction you get from seeing a totally messed up interior transformed into something that feels very new is hard to beat!
My intention for this final week was to eat right, drink right, sleep right
This first failure came on the back of my Dad’s 60th Birthday celebration the night before. Lots of chicken, lamb and beer.
The rest of the week involved eating out twice, white wine and long island ice teas. Therefore its a testament to the act of “making a plan” that any running actually took place.
It’s even more surprising that, YES! I not only met my goal but exceeded it. Am so pleased.
Here is Week 6 followed by a summary of how I think this programme has gone for me
Mon: 10K 56 Minutes. Proper weather – Hailstones, windy and absolutely pissing it down.
Wed: 11K 65 minutes. Concrete all the way. Felt strong at 8K. Kicked home at 10Km.
Sat: 14K 84 minutes No stops! I hid a bottle of water at my 10K mark in a bush. And I’ve never been more grateful for water in my life. It really helped me get throug the next 4km.
So, there it is. A 6 week goal and to me I feel like I’ve climbed a mountain! I actually called this goal
10K to 13K. But truthfully, my base was around 8K to begin with. So what have I learnt? Well, here’s a top 10.
1. Concrete is bad for your knees and grass is my new friend.
2. I can run in the worst kind of freezing rain.
3. I can stick to a plan whilst having a social life.
4. I don’t care what I look like when I run. Well I never did much before, but even less now.
5. Hiding bottles of water anywhere after 10K is like finding treasure!
6. Runner’s World is a toatlly cool magazine.
7. I can endure over an hour of running with just my thoughts.
8. Around 50 percent of people smile back when you smile at them or say “hi”
9. 2 rest days before an endurance run is a pretty good idea.
10. I LOVE THIS!
I am taking a week off before making my next mini step up towards the big half.
Best of luck to the rest of you. Thanks for the support, it really helped, especially at Week 5.
The inside of my car is terrible. It has air fresheners bought over a year ago, bills, diaries, lots of empty sweet wrappers. Tapes without cases, cases without tapes. An extra pair of glasses, my mum’s hairband (don’t ask) and someone else’s mobile phone. That’s just the glove compartment.
I really need to sort this one out. Its quite clean on the outside but it loooks worse than Times Squuare on New Years’ eve on the inside.
Only made 2 runs this week and only 1 swim, which is kind of dissapointing going into my final week of my mini prog but not everything runs smoothly.
I am attributing this lack of activity to an unsually hectic social schedule (a mid week family outing to the cinema, a meal with some friends and a a date no less!). On top of this, my usual, slow paced working idyll has also been interrupted by 2 meetings in London. On top of that, I have some discomfort in my left ankle and towards the shin.
So now the excuses are out the way, here is Week 5
1×8km – Approx 44 mins
1×10km – Approx 1 hour
I need to add an extra 3km in the next week. It’s going to be tough but I have every chance if I eat right, drink right and sleep right.
COME ON SIMPLER!! :)
I had a date arranged with one of the speed date matches for Saturday. We spoke twice during the week, most recently Thursday. On Fri, I went and got my haircut and stuff because I wanted to look good for our date etc. On Fri night at 23:50 I received a text saying she couldn’t make it with a bit of a muddled explanation why. Which basically came down to that “she was busy”.
After calling her back to hear her reasoning, I said to her “don’t worry its ok. Another time perhaps”.
That’s it, ball is in her court now right?
Not going to dwell on this. Move on! Life is good, I’ll put this one down to bad timing!
Having 43T and a piece of paper stuck on the wall above my PC (see pic) is giving me quite a lot of focus!! :0
Does anyone else run without music? You see, I’m not sure whether to get an ipod (or similar). My runs are getting longer and my thoughts progressively less interesting! Anyway, views appreciated on this if anyone has any.
Here is Week 4
1×10km (Tue 7am) Time=01:05:07) – New Route, several stops.
1×8km (Thu 7am) Time= 00:39:22
1×10km (Sat 9.30am) Time=00:56:58 – No stops
Keep running. Keep smilin!
Quite exciting this. I have created a new Spanish group close to where I live through www.meetup.com. Ive been talking abuot doing something like this for a while. I’m a fairly organised chap with some spare time and why don’t I put it some good use.
This will be a group for people to get together once a month in a bar to make friends and practice the language, whatever their level!
All good ideas start small. I am willing to put in the energy to make this work. And it is yet one more reason to keep up the practice!
After ticking 7 boxes, I got 5 matches! I ticked off anyone that seemed remotely interesting. But nevertheless I was really surprised that I got 5 matches.
So assuming everyone knows how this works, I emailed all 5 of them (not in the same email obviously) saying Hi again and tried to make each one a little specific so that it showed I remembered who they each were. Because I did.
Of the 5 matches, 3 have yet to respond. It has only been 2 days though.
1 responded claiming not to remember me at first! But now does recall. And she has given me her phone number.
And with another we have already talked on the phone once and hopefully I will talk to her again during the week. Hope I won’t be too nervous! I am even going to try and flirt with her over the phone. Will let you know how it all goes.
That’s it for now. Hasta luego!
Going well, despite thinking I was not going to be able to make 3 runs this week.
Distances are not accurate. Dont know a way of finding out correct distance.
1×9km (Thu: 52:13)
2×8km (Mon: 39:22, Sat: 38:37 (PB!!)
My 8km run was done on a very hot Saturday aftrenon and I took a whole 45 seconds of my previous PB which had stood since Feb. A WHOLE 45 SECONDS OFF!!! I’m so pleased!
Also did 2 swims and managed to fit in a weights session at a gym. I never knew where my triceps were before but now I do. They kill!
Your posts are brilliant. I’ve learnt a lot just reading through your posts and everyone else’s responses.
Is there a team for this?
I’m in my 30s and although I could moan and complain about not being able to flirt for…I dunno…another 10 years, perhaps it might be an idea to start learning now.
Eye contact. Right, I think I need to start there…
Will try and post some news (good, bad or indifferent) on this site soon.
Hi there, writing this to get some sort of insight and equally to get it off my chest…So this is part moaning and partly genuinely how I feel…
My usual trigger for feeling sorry for myself is lack of success with women. Its no different this time. I went to a speed date in London, came away feeling more demoralised than before. Had fairly little to say to most of the 30 odd girls I met there. Felt like I was being tolerated by most of the girls there, despite complimenting a number of them. I tried to be intriguing and say interesting stuff and relax and be myself, but I’m not sure whether I can do this flirting thing. After the speed date you mingle with everyone. And I remembered one girl in particular as she was really nice and chatty and I went over to her as I enjoyed our silly chat. Sadly she had completely forgotten who I was and insisted I was making our encounter up. I dismissed that and later plucked up the courage to talk to someone else and after a little easy going chat I asked : “I’d quite like to see you again”…and she said…hmmm…maybe…(missing out the “if you’re lucky pal”). And walked off. She ignored me the rest of that evening.
To make it worse, I saw a friend of mine later making out with some stranger as I was about to leave. Just felt so alone in that instant. Stupid really.
Its now 1.30am and I feel like this speed dating evening has been a waste of time. I’ve learnt little about myself and am going to be tired for work the next day and I have eaten half a pizza after 1am and missed my training run….For what??!!!
Started a new job this week -longer hours, more travelling. This has meant I have to alter my schedule such that I now run during times when I would normally be doing sane things like still sleeping.
So Week 2 has been quite testing. This is what I did. Distances are not very accurate though.
1×7km (35:51) – 6.45am
1×8km (39:52) – 7pm
1×9km (51:28) – 8am
‘Til next week!
All the best to the rest of you.