singalingaling

this whole dieting this is proving to be very hard!! I did so good yesterday, and then today, It seems I can’t stop eating. I feel guilty after I eat, but its like I dont stop and think about what I am doing. That is so bad on so many levels. I sound like I should be 400 pounds. *sigh….I just want to look good in mexico. I want to feel confident in my bathingsuit and finally feel proud of my body.
Do you ever feel like your body is in limbo… until the day you’ve come to terms with it? I heard once someone say that their body was no longer a “work in progress”. I can bet that most of us feel that way through out most of our lives. Idont want that. I want to start loving my body now, I just want to obtain this goal so badly I feel a surge of desire well up in me.
What is stopping me?
my own obsticals… my own, lack of self control. I wish I was one of those people where food didn’t rule my day. It does if I am honest…I think about what I eat, what I haven’t eaten, what I want to eat…how I’ll burn it off… It controls me abit. I want to learn to enjoy the other pleasures in life.

I feel very disppointed in my lack of control. I didn’t need those cookies… I could have gone straight to bed…and yet, here I sit, angry at my impotence.

I guess I’ll get back on tomorrow, I just pray, i’ll be able to last longer than a day this time…. maybe three?

everytime I look in the mirror, I feel a burst of three things. anger. frustration. and disappointment. I hate the way my body looks now. It is so f’d up. I don’t understand, I work out at least 5 times a week and I am trying to watch what I eat, and yet, my thighs are huge and my love handles aren’t budging. I feel disgusting, I hate the way I look in jeans, dresses, sweatpants….what else is there?! I feel terrible. I think something is wrong with me. I am looking into a supplement…anyone hear anything about “6pack” my sister used it, I think it might help. I’m hoping because, I’ve already been down the eat disorder road, and it leads to knowhere good, and I dont know what else to do.

I want to lose 10 lbs by december 28th. I was at 120 for almost a year… then life decided to suck and I gained 10 lbs. But I dotn know if part of that is muscle or not, because I’ve started going to the gym, and I am pretty faithful to going. I am so frustrated because I work out at least 5 times a week and I’m trying to eat better, and yet I feel like I am getting bigger. I can’t fit into my pants any more, which is so discouraging. I’ve been going to the Gym hard-core since probably september, and I swear I’m bigger. I dont want to be bigger I want to lose weight and go back to my 120.

When I was at 120 I wasn’t even happy, I wanted to be smaller….isn’t it funny how things change?! I want to cry everytime I go into my closet because things just don’t fit the same… I am so discouraged… anyone have ANY Advice?!