How to reconnect with a former best friend? (Advices, please)
I met my former best friend when we were both 15-16. We studied Senior High together back in 2004-05, and we easily bonded. That was more than the classical male bonding, it was (at least from my point of view) a true friendship, I felt he was more than a brother for me. We used to swim, to go to the beach, to the movies, to drink, even to smoke, to eat, to… whatever, together. He was always the first one to know “my latest news”. He had a girlfriend when I met him, and they had a solid? relationship until he dropped her last year (yep, after like 7 years), just to be free to bounce from one bed to another (there was a time when he even used to talk to me very explicitly about his …”personal activities”). I kept him many, many secrets now I think I should have told back then.
We eventually grew up. We went to different colleges, we both got graduated, but, since a lot of time our friendship was in the rocks.
I’ll always remember this: I went to his graduation, it was in another state. I went there in the cheapest seat I could find, I carried on my back during all the day a backpack with one change of clothes, and basic toiletries everywhere (well, airplane friendly toiletries). I changed myself at a restroom in a mall that was near his college, you know… To be dressed more “college graduation” appropriate. I didn’t have too much money, but, I didn’t care to spend all the money I had back then to go and be with him there, and congratulate him, feeling even proud for him. After the event, they all (he, his parents, brothers, and his girlfriend) went to a bar restaurant to celebrate. I offered him a beer to celebrate. He refused that one. He then went and bought a beer and told me to make a “toast” (???). Fortunately, I had my plane back to my state that same day late at night. I had a massively delayed flight (as usual, lol), so I came home tired, both emotionally and physically. He took hundred of photos with me and his family that day. I never saw a single one. He went to my graduation, we ended up doing the same thing: Drinking. Instead of having with him the happy moment I wanted to, I ended up having one of the worst nights I’ve ever had in my life. His family treats me well, and, when I see his parents or brothers out there, they greet me as if I were another one of them, his parents always tell me “don’t forget us”, but, I’ve wanted to tell them the real reason I never went to their place anymore. ...But, that would shatter? their son’s image, and, I can’t do that.
He spent almost a year without finding a job. I didn’t have exactly a good year either, but I managed to make things work for me, so, I didn’t complained a lot about not being actually working at that time. BUT, once he found a fancy job, at a fancy GPS company, he became a very different person. Money changes people, maybe? My girlfriend knows that company, and, well, she just told me that was pure luck. Some of her classmates are working there.
Last times we used to “hang out”, it was only to drink at his place. I was tired of going to his place ALL the time. I even used to think “Is he embarrassed about being seen with me out there? If yes, why!?” We eventually ended up getting heavily drunk when we saw each other, and, don’t ask me why, he had an inner talent to make me bring up “my personal demons” and make me be a man I don’t know… He used to bring up the worst we all human beings have in our minds/hearts… Our very own enemies. I mean, my personal demons are the kind of memories that make me feel miserable, depressed, and sad. The kind of memories I don’t wanna remember ever again. Last time we drank, I got into a very dark mood (I didn’t do anything against me, my life or anyone’s, if you’re asking), but, my mind got really mixed up, remembering very heavy stuff I went through when I was both in Junior and Senior High. (Let’s say my teen years weren’t exactly a bed of roses… I’ve got over most all of that, and the rest… It’s just history).
Then, he called me to invite me (last December, 2012) to a “beach camp” he was organizing with some of his friends. I never liked a lot his friends, I was even kinda frightened by a couple of them. He likes to hang out with very strange people (strange in the bad sense of the word). That was the very last time we saw each other. December 8, 2012.
Since then, I called him on Dec.31 to wish him a HNY, as I used to do. Then, as it used to happen last year, I sent him texts: Not an answer. Facebook messages: Left on “seen at…”. Calls: Direct to answer machine. Last time we text each other, it was like 4 months ago… And, well, he dared to tell me I am his best friend. (WHAT THE F!? Are you high or what!!??) I stopped trying to contact him months ago, but, there are times when I’ve wanted to invite him somewhere, talk about anything (weather included), and give it a closure. Like saying “well, I know you don’t consider me your friend anymore, but, that’s my way of saying I’ll always consider you one of my friends“
Sometimes I check his Facebook (I still have him added), and, what makes me put a “WTF!?” in my face, are his photo albums. He’s doing THE VERY SAME stuff we used to do when we were teenagers, but with other people. The same way of drinking, the same way of going to the beach, the same way of EVERYTHING. It’s like seeing a current photo album of my teen memories, but without me. I’m not jealous if that’s what you’re thinking. I just don’t know… I mean… Could it be possible that he never got over Senior High days, and that he’s just doing all of these things to feel himself younger? To try to keep living like a teen does? (No responsibilities, no major problems, and so on)... Or what!? I don’t know. I don’t feel in the mood to do the same things I used to do when I was that age. I feel I’ve grown up, and now I have somewhat different tastes, and I feel I’m in a different stage of my life.
Should I try to make the distance shorter? Should I try to reconnect friendship with him? ...Or just keeping up walking away, and remembering he’s not the one I once knew.
What do you people think I should do?
PS: Don’t let grass grow on the path of friendship
PS2: I think this is the longest post I’ve ever written, lol