smallysmall

So the end of this stupid and horrific journey is nigh… 26th of October. I’m not going to lie to you, I have been failing on this challenge recently, not entirely, but I talk about babies all the time, no matter how hard I try, seems to be like breathing… can’t seem to have control over it, nor stop.

Ah well, boyfriend is OK with this…. I still haven’t said “when are we getting married” or “When are you going to propose to me baby?” or “when are you going to fricking sort yourself out and put a ring on my fricking finger for f$3cks sakes??”... so on that part I am still pretty proud of myself… :-) he he

We are off to an engagement party this weekend…. yup another one… and we were invited to 2 weddings this week…. yup 2 more!!! So I’m a little antsy today…. a little down in the dumps to be honest!!!

Its really quite frustrating when you love someone and you want to marry them, to just sit there, loving them, having a brilliant time without wanting to change it… people who don’t believe in marriage don’t understand that about old romantics… when you love someone, it just seems natural to want to get married, to share a last name, to plan a wedding together, to plan a life of love together… to spend ridiculous amounts of money on a sick ass party for all your closest friends and family to celebrate that love… get it?? maybe not… but its frustrating, because this rational/logical spec of my personality does get mad at my dreamy loved up romantic part and thinks: Jeeezus woman, just relax, appreciate your partner, enjoy the fact that you are both in love… whats the rush anyways??? good things come to those who wait… it will all happen in good time…. AND then chimes in the fairytale romantic dreamy voice (slightly irratated…) Waiting is all very well and good, but why can’t I have my day in a white dress? Why can’t I share his last name? Why won’t he just kneel down and ask me to spend the rest of his life with him??? why wait????”

Ah the internal battle…. well today is an angry day…. its the day when this voice booms bloody asshole, I bet he won’t propose cos he wants to buy himself something new like a watch or a car…will he ever ask me??? grrrrrrr I do love him, but I am SOOOOOO pissed off and upset right now…. cos this waiting game is just f&8ing ridiculous….

Ok, I think its time to run a bath and read a book, I might try and steer clear of the wines tonight or I might break my 100 day challenge and that would be really disappointing!!!

5 to go, minor setback, we have spoken about babies a few times recently, but it was not met with any frustration, in fact he wanted to speak about it too….he said he would prefer to be married first :0) yay… and he said to me the other night “I never used to think I was the marrying kind, but you’ve changed what I think about it”...

So the moral of the story still sticks, stop banging on about it AS much and they will be the one bringing up the topic :0)

Well the sad news is that my beautiful BF is going to the UK today for 12 days, but the good news is that he is going to 2 weddings overseas…and I will clearly get through the next 12 days really easily, taking me to the 1/2 way point :0) yay!!!

I have a feeling that his family and friends will be the ones talking about marriage and babies for the next 12 days… after over a month without pressure, maybe he’ll decide he wants both sooner rather than later??? LOL….