smileygotlove

I am making friends with a wide variety of men. Most of them are salsa dancers, a couple of them are not.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to turn someone down and keep the relationship platonic. My friend started massaging my neck and coming on to me. It felt so good, but I told him we have to get to know each other and then we’ll see if we should get into a physical relationship or not. I am so glad that I am not rushing into a relationship.

This other guy that I find extremely attractive keeps telling me that he is going to call me, but I only see him at the salsa club and he never calls. I think that he is a bit shallow and a possible player. I feel good that I am not feeling needy and just kind of letting go of the idea of being with him. He is sooooo hot, but I would rather be with someone more authentic.

This week I don’t know why, but I got a huge burst of energy and motivation. I went running two days in a row, even after it started to rain.

I also had a brief conversation with another mom at my son’s school and she is interested in going running together, maybe. Having a running partner would be so great.

Trusting wisely is a good way to put it. I believe that the high level of skepticism I have developed for anyone who even has a HINT of player scent about him is a GOOD THING!!

Anyone willing to take the time to get to know me and not push me into sex or a relationship has got to be more trustworthy than the others, in MHO.

At the same time, having some faith that a trustworthy and good-looking, sexy man exists for me…? That seems to be where I am struggling. I think for now, I am trying to focus on other things and let that angst dissapate a bit more.

WEll, I keep trying to clean it and organize it. However, its where I change my clothes and store extra stuff, so it is multi-purpose and seems to get messed up as soon as I clear it.

I think it is time to put some serious energy into cleaning and organizing it though, since it is in the relationship corner of the house.

I was the leader of a native theme autumn equinoxe and my little native american drum ended up in there this week. That made me think that a native theme in that room is not a bad idea. So, let’s see what I get done this next week! I have some time this week-end!!

The Seattle to Portland Bike Ride! My ex-boyfriend got me hooked on this. Last year, the race sold out and I didn’t get in. Also, I was sad, because I was not riding with my ex-boyfriend and I didn’t have anyone else to ride with.

We had our camping spot and our routine and we both loved it. It was really special to us. I want that back. He camped out in our spot alone last year.

Reggie, why did you have to be such a F$#%@^# head and be addicted to alcohol, women, and your low self image? Not to mention the cigarettes? We were so good, when we were good.

I want a new boyfriend who will be faithful and go to Jill Scott concerts and hold me and STP with me!

He acts nervous around me. We both love running. I think he is attracted to me, but I also think he is a scared, too young for me virgin. I see him like 3 times a week, because he works at my son’s school. Hi David! If you read this, maybe you can answer the question. Are you gay? (If so, let’s be buddies.) Are you a virgin? Do you want to be my friend? Every time I see you, I want to give you a hug.

I have a real problem with focusing on physical attraction when it comes to relationships. If the man is really attractive, then I assume he will either not be faithful or not be truly interested in me. If he is not good looking or “my type” then I can’t get into him.

I am giving up on online dating because I am not able to get past the looks. However, even in real life, and in past relationships, I think I assumed that HE was more attractive than I am, so therefore, he will eventually find someone else.

My female and male friends are constantly telling me that I am attractive. I want to know why I can’t love myself as I am—I focus on every flaw I have.

My body is ok. I am 45 years old and I am fit. I have been through a couple of pregnancies and I had an emergency c-section from a car accident and I focus on my small breasts, scars, and less perky breasts. I don’t see the beautiful eyes, nice legs, nice ass (so they say.)

And what about the fact that I am really bright, loving, thoughtful, sexually open and they say sexy, speak three languages, artistic, musical, decent gardener, home owner, etc. etc. I am a good cook, and on and on….

And my whole focus is whether or not I am attractive enough to hold a man and whether or not I am attracted enough to him to be interested and whether or not the sex will be good!

When relationships end, I can see that yes, he might be good lookin’, but he is a liar, he is cheap, he has no sense of direction, and so on, and he is HUMAN, just like myself. And then back to the drawing board and in my mind I know my strengths (I am clearly able to list them and identify them.) But, back to the am I attractive enough for him/will the sex be good?

I am searching for the way to not lower my standards to butt ugly and stupid, without ruling out a really great guy, who may not look like a model (and neither do I.)

One final twist: I am extremely attracted to Black men, but my last two relationships with Black men turned out to be nightmares of infidelity and I would consider myself to have been co-dependent on at least some level. BTW, one was African-American, born in US, the other was Haitian-American, born in Haiti.

Now, I still find Black men extremely attractive, but anyone I consider attractive seems to be of high probability a playa. The other thing is that I can’t get past Hello with anyone of any color, because I now have lost complete faith and trust in men. I just run away from everyone at this point, and I am not getting any younger!