sohurt

i want to know how to love myself.to appreciate myself.and to be confident and happy with who i am..and i want to start it here.

im implosive. i took an online test to see if i have an implosive anger. and realized i do.

i want to know how to manage my anger. sometimes when i think ive had enough already i explode. and i have a line that shouldn’t be cross. i dont get angry easily or so fast, i get angry as time pass by especially if i have been stepped on a couple of times…i want to know how to express my self how to say what i feel at the moment than to keep it to myself until i tictac and explode.

Sometimes I just want to be alone
To be somewhere nobody knows me
Where my secrets and past lies hidden and uncovered
And where my mistakes are long forgotten.

How sorrow seeps in me
Yet I am drowned and have gone deeper into it
I held on to something, thinking, someday it might be lost
And I’ll be okay because I’m still breathing.

Yet I’m drained from sanity
I cannot fake a smile anymore
Pretend that this is all right
My love for this world has lost its light.

But I am still thriving, still wanting
That someday it I might find myself standing happily
Overshadowing all those grief in my past
And forgetting where I once was.

I practically grew up all my life here
Thinking that there is no other way out for me
I thought there is no other place I can be
But knowing this only made me feel worse.

I thought that I should be nowhere near here
Where every pain in my life has been
I do not feel like I belong at all
Or anywhere at all.

I am not weak, nor fragile, nor am I strong
I don’t have a glass for a heart, or a wooden one
Though I feel numb and jaded
Feeling like every thing living does not deserve my attention.

I am confuse; I don’t know what I want
I am lost; I don’t know where I should be
I don’t feel anything, but anger
Still, but finding meaning to where I am now.