sometimesijustknow

Just could not get around to this one by myself, i’m such an addict. But my doctor put me on a strict diet because of a stomach ulcer, and i am on day 5 of the barely any sugar diet…i mean, not even fruit or any simple carbs! AHHH! i didn’t think i would have so much moodswings.But apart from that and the crazy cravings i get from time to time, it’s going pretty good…much better than i thought, actually…just have to keep it up. Sugar is sooo nice but i KNOW it’s bad for me. I’m forbidden to eat any dairy as well and i’m just finding out that i miss cheese the most. Ahah sugar, you are not winning this one.

just can’t do this…went to a party last night, everyone was dancing. i just couldn’t …afraid to look like a fool and be judged…although most everyone was way to wasted to have an opinion.

this is getting old….yet again, i’m just waiting until i have no choice left…not only important decisions, even really simple ones too…i’m being so passive i resent myself…where does this come from…fear of failure? fear of change? If i could only do this, my life would be so much closer to what i desire it to be…

since i gave blood they will be sending me my blood type. If i’m like my mother and have a rare blood type, it will be my duty to give blood every time i can.

This is perhaps the greatest thing we have done together. Discovering something new together while discovering a great deal about each other. i want to do this again, hopefully many times.

started to do so and it feels soooo great. So much more time to work on things that are meaningful to me…I hate that i spend so much precious time in a zombi like state staring at mostly useless junk. Especially hard to stop doing so late at night. have to find other ways to relax. actually go to bed before one would be a good start.

because what tend to happens is that by waiting so long, i just don’t have a choice anymore.

there i was all thrilled to be riding my first horse. It saw a dog and freaked out, starting running at top speed and rode me through a tree. Branches scratched my whole face and a branch got in my eye. i couldn’t see anything and tried in vain to stop the horse. I have to say it was scary. i’m positive i’ll attempt riding a calmer horse in the future, once my trauma has faded out.

My therapist told me that was the next step for me, in order to become more trusting and improve my ability to feel at ease with intimacy…well, it took me a while to get enough courage to do it, and some days i still shy away from eye contact, but i can tell that it really improved my relationships. And it makes creating new bonds much easier. keep trying, it’s more than worth it!